I got really mad and I think I went too far?

I had called him to end it because I was sick of not knowing where I stood. I know he has baggage, like serious baggage, but I got impulsive. I know he probably loves me (at least really likes me), I know he genuinely cares about me, I know we could be together, we practically are if he didn't act so god damn distant. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and he got really quiet and then when I told him why he got angry. he said I was trying to force things and that that was no way to get any of this solved. this has been an argument with us before by the way, last year. I absolutely love spending time with this person, he is like my best friend, I can tell him anything, no one makes me laugh like he does, or feel more beautiful. but because we're having sex I needed to know where I stood and he basically froze. I told him find don't ever call me again then and he told me please I know you don't mean that. I know he's been through a lot and the only relationship he's ever had ended really badly leaving him with bad trust issues, but still. I ended the conversation, I blocked him from both of my phones. It's been two weeks. he usually tries to come back, I don't know if he will this time. I miss him everyday, the things he knows about me that no one else does, the jokes only the two of us share. I don't think it's because of another girl because a long while ago a friend of his said that wasn't it. he's hooked up with random girls here and there, but he says that's not the reason this is hard for him. so I don't know, and he won't open up and I don't know if he ever will, but on the phone he was very frigid and then angry (not in a mean way), and that's when I ended it.

  • he's hurt right now but probably does want to see you again
    Vote A
  • he probably doesn't want anything to do with this
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
to the guy that answered B can you please explain
he has said he "could fall in love with me" but isn't it weird to say "could"? am I just paranoid?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't mean anything judgmental by this, but I am going to say that if I were in his situation, I would not come back. Please read on, I really hope you find this helpful.

    You said the following:

    "I told him I couldn't do it anymore"
    "been an argument with us before"
    "we're having sex I needed to know where I stood"
    "fine don't ever call me again"
    "I blocked him from both of my phones"
    "he usually tries to come back, I don't know if he will this time."

    It sounds like there is a long established pattern of drama, and the frequency and nature of it is quite unhealthy. You mentioned he had baggage, and that he's come back before. Based on that, I think he has very weak personal boundaries, stemming from poor self-respect. Based on what I read in your question, you also have weak boundaries, stemming from insecurity. Weak boundaries, in my opinion, are one of the top reasons that relationships fail. If a person can't establish a firm sense of self and the type of behavior they will accept from others, relationships spin out of control, and people get hurt.

    Because I have a very defined sense of self and boundaries, I would not come back to you if in his position. I think he should not go back to you. If he come back, it is further evidence of his weak boundaries.

    But further, if he does come back, you should not continue with him. You also have weak boundaries and, for your own benefit, should not accept being in a relationship with someone who can't help you grow. Neither of you are mature or secure enough for this relationship to continue in a healthy way.

    I think it is good that you two are apart right now, for the good of you both. Take this time for self-reflection and self-improvement. Try to grow from this, see where your behavior and attitudes are lacking, and try to address them. It will be easy and comfortable to get back together, but you'll slip into the same unhealthy pattern of behavior.

    Demand more and better for yourself.

    • you don't think we can become better and be that way together?

    • Show All
    • I feel like we both made mistakes, but if in the future we can have a calm and normal conversation about it we eight be able to get somewhere? we are both 24 by the way

    • As I said, you can do your part to try and make it work, but he has to do the same. Things won't work out without a commitment to growth from both of you. Even then, it may not work. There is always the possibility that you two aren't truly compatible.

      So I can't say one way or the other. You have to decide if you are willing to spend a lot of time and emotion on someone who may never become what you want or need in a partner. If you want to have a calm discussion with him, that's great. See what you two would like to do (he isn't trying to call, though, correct?).

      And even if you agree to try to work things out, I'd still recommend spending significant time apart. Spend a couple months just working on yourself, then agree to date other people for a bit after that time. You may discover that you are much better suited with someone else, or you may find that you want to try to get back together. At least you will have explored possibilities that help you grow.

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What Guys Said 1

  • So you reacted irrationally and brashly with out even giving the guy a proper chance to explain himself and now you're telling us that YOU feel bad? GOD! I know girls are emotional but this would that time not to be, use your logical reasoning not emotional reasoning. If you had done it correctly you would be going through this agony at all. When people cause problems for themselves I don't feel bad, but your guy at least deserves the time and day for the both of you to sit down and talk this out in a relaxed setting. Not abrupt and in your face.

    • I know I messed it up, I know I was too emotional about it, I was impulsive and I feel bad about it. Do you think his unwilling to talk about it is because I was emotional about it?

    • @Asker, I think impulsive & in your face is NOT the way to drop a question like that. Is he being distant now, then I think you should just give him a call and leave a message that you want & need to talk to him about it and that your sorry for blowing it up in his face. It should of been handled better. We need to talk, call me when you are ready to talk. That's it nothing more nothing less. This way 1. you are apologizing that it shouldn't have been done like that and 2. you still want to talk to him about still being a couple. NOW, whether he calls back or not is totally up to him. You may very well have obliterated this whole r/s or not he may call back trying to help put things back together. It's 50/50 right now but just understand that he may call back and it may not be something you want to hear.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think you should apologize to him about what happened but at the same time tell him how you feel and that it be good to know where the you guys stand

    • I think he's scared of relationships because of what happened in the only one he's ever been in

    • Yeah but you should make him feel safe and if he is still in that state of mind then go beause he is at a stand still

    • I don't know how to make him relax about commitment not being such a huge fucking deal

  • You had expectations that he didn't share.
    I don't see you changing.

    • I pushed something on him that he wasn't ready for but I feel like I ruined what we had in the process, and what we could have had

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