How do I stop feeling so much guilt?:(?

So I've been dating a guy for 5 months. He broke up with me last month and two weeks later contacted again and we started talking and seeing each other again. I recently stopped initiating contact and started to do all the initiating , I do initiate sometimes but I've backed off a lot. I also stopped liking all his fb stuff. And I feel so much guilt! I'm a very giving loving person and I wanna shower him with attention but I'm stopping myself because he broke up with me last month and that really hurt me because he broke up with me for no reason... everything was great. Is it ok that I stopped initiating? I just want him to prove something to me I want him to earn my trust somehow because he really really hurt me and I've only always been super nice and giving to him. How can I stop feeling guilt for not showering him with tons of attention like I did before? I'm just trying to respect and protect myself 😥

Sorry typo. He* started doing all the initiating


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What Guys Said 1

  • You feel guilty because you are violating your own rules about giving and receiving. This is called the law of reciprocation. Although you are also holding your own by wanting to have your trust earned after it was violated. So what's going on here is that you are over coming co-dependent behavior and since it doesn't feel normal you feel guilt. So here is where it gets interesting. You don't have anything to feel guilty about, until he asks why you stopped showing interest, if you continue to blow him off then you'd be acting with poor character. It would be best when he asks to let him know what your boundaries are and your expectations in a non demanding way, just state what you want and if he doesn't respect your rules, then perhaps you can move on. Showing people with attention comes off as desperate, I'm proud of you for sticking to you guns. Good job!! :)

    • Awww thank you soooo much!!! Your advice helped me so much!!! I feel so much better! I've always been codependent so this is new for me and I'm trying to respect myself because I'm tired of being used. Thank you so much!!!

    • C0dependency is not a disease or a label or diagnosis, it's learned behavior when as a child you found it hard to separate from the protective environment of parents and be a little counter dependent which is the second stage of normal development, when we feel safe enough to rebel against mom and dad around age two. You're on your way, keep it up and study more about being assertive in your actions and communication. There is nothing wrong with you, really it's all just something you learned to do to survive in the world. You're welcome.:)

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