Either there is something wrong with all women today or I'm just really dumb. Veteran needing dating advice?

I only mention I'm a veteran because my military experience makes up so much of who I am. Just left the military, had 5 combat deployments, and I was even a Drill Sergeant.

I have money, reasonably intelligent, old fashioned but not sexist, nice car, nice Harley, love adventure, I'm in good shape, and you can add a short list of other "masculine" pursuits and hobbies I'm into.

My flaws are I'm not ridiculously good looking, maybe average, don't have the body builder physique, I get a little social anxiety bc I have PTSD, and haven't really dated anyone in about 6 years.

I could pick up women at parties or bars easy enough, but I'm totally done with that crap. I want an actual relationship but for some reason I can't even pull a phone number in any other environment. Ha ha, I can't even get responses on dating websites even if my profile exactly matches what they claim to be looking for!

Just to be clear, I'm not looking for super model babes. Just one women who looks nice, takes care of herself, likes masculine men, and shares just a few common interests. Basically, I'm not super picky.

So if these women who say they are into the way I've described myself, what the hell am I doing wrong? Maybe all women just want wimpy guys who treat them like crap?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound great. Dating tips... hmmmm. bear hugs. Give her flowers. Tell her she's beautiful. Bear hugs. More bear hugs. Not too many on a first date tho. lol

    • Thanks for the reply. Problem is I can't get a first date. I can get a hookup, but not a phone number.

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    • Just keep trying. Seem approachable and cuddly in your profile. Masculine is hot. But don't be scary. Basically what a woman wants is a guy who is all manly to the world but a Teddy bear to her. At least that's what I wanted.

    • Thanks for most helpful

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Maybe your profile is intimidating.. You said you were a drill Sargent. Be sure you don't come across as one. Other than that, it's a numbers game.. The more exposure you have the higher the chances of meeting someone.
    I'm sorry you had to go through so much.. but are you being treated for PTSD?

    • Yeah I've been treated. It's not that bad anymore, but I still don't enjoy going to public places when they are busy. For example if I go to Walmart, I go at night because the day crowds make a little anxious.
      The drill thing usually doesn't come up in initial conversation, although I did change my profile to include it once just to sound interesting, no results. I'm a really nice guy, but kind of an alpha - meaning in confident but not arrogant. Most people are surprised when they find out I used to be a mean ass drill. Thanks

    • Well.. Glad you are being treated. Try make your profile softer, more wordy. Include hobbies, sports, music. Say things like you enjoy watching the sunset while walking on the beach, rainbows, etc. girls like sappy stuff like that. Only if they are genuine of course. It helps balance

  • Try to be more simple on your profile. Sometimes adding instead of leaving room to mystery can be intimidating. But I don't think you have some "major" issues from what I am reading

    • I think you make a good point. I'm not good at describing myself without direct interaction, so maybe my profile just sucks. From what little I've told you, what do you think I should include and what should o leave out. By the way, the PTSD never gets mentioned, not dies the drill Sergeant thing.

    • Oops, auto correct got me - NOR DOES the drill Sergeant thing.

  • Have you tried online dating? Usually for the types of girls you want to meet, you meet them through friends or at social activities or other stuff. They're out there

    • Tried the online thing. No results. Can't even get a response.

  • First off, thank you for your service. :) now, you sound great, I don't think it's you. I think you just haven't come across the right one yet. Be patient, you'll find her. :)


What Guys Said 2

  • If you have better success in person than online, you likely have above average presence - which is a good thing. So that's good... i do wonder if your online profile could be improved, it may not be 'selling' you as well as it should.

    When you say you can't get a phone number in any other environment, what other environments are you trying in?

    • I strike out any time I try to talk to women unless I'm at a club or party and I've have had a couple drinks. I realize for most guys this is fine, but I'm tired of hookups. And I don't want a relationship with any of these types of women.

      Here is an example of my frustration. Once meet this girl at a gun show, nice looking and nice personality. Hung out for a few hours, obviously had some common interests. Thought we had fun without getting too personal. When I was leaving I asked her for her phone number and she was uninterested. I really thought I'd get somewhere with that one.

    • So honestly, what do you do differently with a few drinks in?

      Clearly you're confident enough to approach sober. And -maybe- it's just the environment. But do you joke around more? Flirt more? More open, or more light?

    • Honestly, I'm kind of an asshole. I get a buzz going and I say what I think. Usually pretty funny, but almost always at someone else's expense. Don't understand why some women think that's attractive. This is also why I don't really drink anymore.

  • i'm surprised because it seems most military guys are hardcore extremely attractive to women

    • Unless you look like John Rambo, that isn't always true unless you are one of these guys who wears his uniform out in public just to get attention. Do me a favor , the next you ever go to a mall or a club and see some asshole in uniform who is obviously just looking for attention and you aren't even near an installation, kick his ass.

      Maybe if I flaunted myself like this I would have more luck, but I would rather be alone than dishonor myself like this. I want women to want me for me, not because of a bunch of useless medals on my chest.

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    • Three and a half years. Last one lasted bout a year and a half, but only spent about four months together. Got home from Afghanistan, then she bailed when I got selected for Drill because the hours are long, frequently 19 hours a day, day off every other week. Can't blame her for not wanting to waste time.

    • Good job military man. You don't want to use your military status just to get women. Obama appoint someone to give you a cookie.