What did this girl mean when she said she got scared away? Help me understand her mindset.

When a girl says she will get scared of getting to many compliments, what does she mean? i guess she might get scared that the guy is being dishonest or maybe that she won't be able to live up to the expectations?

But a girl who complimented me about as much as i complimented her, and who was aware i was interested in a relationship, which she also implicated might happen if everything goes well. Why would such a girl get scared of easygoing compliments such as saying she is cute or smart?

This is a girl who i had phone sex with several times before we met. She seemed honest and normal on the phone and we opened up to each other, she had a brother who killed himself some years ago, and had a bad breakup about a year ago when her ex stopped caring about her and their relationship (she broke up with him because of that).

I made it clear several times to her that i had no expectations, that i wanted a relationship but if it doesn't work out thats fine, and she said that if we dont connect as well when we meet as we did on the phone we could still be friends with benefits. She was very nervous and excited.

We met and it went well, we had great sex (she got wet and orgasmed). afterwards she got timid though and avoided eye contact. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship and looked sad. I said i was okey with it but i wanted to see her again. She seemed hesitant but agreed. Afterwards i gave her a small gift, a mineral stone, i said she could think of me when she looks at the stone. I made no big deal about it just gave it to her and joked about it a bit.

Later she claims this gift scared her away completely. Can someone explain? i told her i had no expectations so i dont get it. She later apologized in a text for behaving like that and wished me well like it was over. And she wouldn't answer me when i tried to reach her. In fact she didn't dare to speak to me on the phone once after we met, she always had an excuse to avoid it.

Any Ideas?

I also want to add, that i met this girl on the dating app Tinder, and we connected really well, i got her number and we spoke for many hours almost every day for 2 weeks before we met. And she pushed to set up the date earlier because she was really excited to meet me.
She claims it is very difficult/unlikely for her to get feelings for a guy, but during our talks on the phone, it almost sounded like she had a crush on me already. She gave me so many compliments in the beginning, she sounded a bit insecure too. She thought i must have so many girls after me, and that i was really hot, and she was afraid that i wouldn't find her as goodlooking in real life as in her pictures. So i tried to adapt to that by being very nice to her.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am only answering the tagline.

    What it means is generally that essentially the compliments were too rapid, seemed vapid, and the complimentor came on way too strong. Or is it "complimenter". Hm. Essentially it went from nice to overbearing which unfortunately exists on an invisible gauge no one can actually see.

    • Okey that makes sense, but why would a woman find it "scary" to be complimented or getting a small gift from someone she has had sex with and opened up herself to.(i can understand it being a turn off, but i was told i scared her away).

      I mean i was very forward from the beginning and she was as well, it wasn't a problem at that point. Then even though i say to her clearly i have no expectations of anything more, why would a gift scare a girl away? is she afraid that the gift implicates i have expectations from her despite me telling her that isn't the case? I really dont understand why it would be scary for a girl to get a gift when it cannot hurt her. Especially in my case when she was open about the idea of a relationship before we met.

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    • True, although women seem to be less logical with their emotions than men are, maybe im generalizing. I just hope she won't forget me since we had such an amazing connection and i know deep down we could have been great together.. i won't expect it but despite how she clumsy she handled this i would take her back if she ended up regretting her choice..

    • I wish you well.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Just don't do too many compliments. Sometimes it looks like flattery


What Guys Said 1

  • She probably just wanted physical gratification, now she might feel ashamed (unfortunately) because that kind of behaviour is frowned upon by society. The gift may have made her feel like you wanted more than what she wanted and made her feel even worse about herself for not abiding by societies standards. I don't think you did anything wron necassariy, just be more aware of what impressions your actions might give. Girls tend to be more sensitive, so keep that in mind. I really don't think you did anything wrong, the poor girl is probably just conflicted between what she wants and what she things she "ought to want"

    • Yeah true, it seems like it was the first time she hooked up through online dating as well. I dont think she planned on doing this, she seemed so genuine on the phone and always looked forward to speaking with me.
      She might have been ashamed of sleeping with a guy she just met, but from our conversations she didn't seem to be a prude at all, she seemed to have nothing against casual sex, she has had long relationships before and im pretty sure she has had one night stands before. During our phone sex sessions she had some weird fetishes too, she was very explicit in her sexual language and very intense and sensual. She told me at one point she wanted to be my "little whore" some times.

      Maybe she felt she could be herself with me since i was just some random guy she met online, and then after she met me she felt ashamed like you said. But it genuinly felt like she had affection for me, not just sexually but also emotionally, but i dont know..

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    • Yeah but the weird thing here is that she knew i wanted more before we met, and she was still excited to meet me, and also she seemed to be open about the possibility of having something more. Although she was very nervous it wouldn't work out.

      We had sex and it was good, but after the sex she became timid as mentioned, and then told me she wasn't ready, and she seemed to feel bad about it because she knew i wanted more. I told her to do what is best for her in the morning before she left. And she said: But what about you?, then i told her: Il handle it. Then she said while tucking her face into the bedsheet: Im gonna start to cry (sounded really sad when she said it). I said then: i just want to see you again, and she was hesitant and said: mm okay.

      This conversation was right before i gave her the gift though. i gave her the gift the last 5 minutes before she was gonna leave.

    • To add further, when i said im good at cooking and could make food for our date (which i ended up doing) she told me she wanted to marry me in an exciting manner (of course it was a joke but still), and she talked several times about us seeing many movies together and cuddling etc, and that she thought she would probably want to be with me every day after we met if all goes well, and that i could bring her to certain events etc. So she definitely lead me on that she was open for more than just sex. And the change in her mood came after we had sex. It was very noticable. Funny thing is that she didn't even expect much from the sex from our conversations since i was injured. Which is why i tried to postpone the date, while she pushed to meet me earlier. She told me she would take care of me sexually while i could relax, because of my leg injury. But the sex ended up being great since i ended up being as active as her.