I can't figure it out. What's wrong with me?

I broke up with my ex of 1.5 years months ago, because I couldn't stand some of his flaws such as going to work really late like 11am, late for everything, too many excuses, talk too much do too little, sometimes disrespect people and shittalk about others, etc. The breakup was really hard on him. But after a while, I thought the relationship was not that bad ( he was really honest and serious in relationship, has a good job, was looking for a ring for me, took me to see his family, treat me really good, etc), I thought maybe I was just being too picky and perfectionism, so I asked him to work things out, he agreed and suggested to take it slow to really get to know each other. After a few weeks, for whatever reason (possibly I rejected him for sex) he got mad at me, then he was diagnosed with epilepsy and started to ignore my txts and calls, hoping I could get the hint that he didn't want the relationship anymore; but I didn't give up until... last time I asked him to help me with something and he agreed, the next day I waited until 10:30pm realized that he totally stood me up without any explanation and apology; that's when I realized that he turned back into the 'asshole' he used to be.

But somehow I'm stuck in this cycle of knowing breaking up with him was the right decision but somehow I still remember the good memories, and living in the guilt that I broke his heart, and sometimes I think that maybe I was wrong breaking up with him, and occasionally I still dream about us getting back together. I couldn't fully focus at work (the job I love so much), I feel like a failure being 26 yr old single woman with so many men around but no one I like is asking me out, I hate myself for being this unhappy anti-social person with low self-esteem right now, often I would cry in my car on the way back when I feel sorry for myself, when I feel like a failure.

Anyone who can help me figure this thing out would be so much appreciated! Thank you!


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  • every 1 feels like that at some stage of their life wen it took me a year to fully move forward from my ex and find a new guy n i used to cry myself to sleep because i felt like i wasn't good enough for any one it happens all u have to do is get urself back up on the horse think positively have fun ur 26 single ur young u have so much life ahead of u enjoy it do the things u couldn't do wen u were in a relationship girls nights get insanely drunk n have a bit of fun and everything will fall into place trust me :)