We have a commitment but not relationship? is it common in the western society?

I met this guy last September.
He is 21 (Austria) and I am 22 (Asia), both students in Canada.

We started out as friends and been dating for about a month.

I'm starting to fall hard when he suddenly told me he's going back to Austria for school at the beginning of next month.
We both agreed not to get into a relationship.
He said "it is really sad but too difficult for us to have a relationship now when you are in Canada and I will be in Austria. Are you thinking to do your internship in Austria?"
I have an internship to do this summer for 4 months anywhere in the world. I said no...

However, yesterday we talked about relationships again.
I said since we are not committed to each other, are free to date or kiss others. He had a shocked face like he had no idea how I came up with what I said and told me we are committed to each other, he does not want me to kiss anybody.
I said, "we are not in a relationship, of course, you have no right to tell me who I date or kiss somebody else and neither do I..."
He was like "no, we do have a commitment and you are not allowed to kiss somebody else. Why would you kiss somebody when you have somebody you like?"

He said, "As we talked about, we both know that even though we get into a relationship now, it's going nowhere since he has 3 more years of school and don't even know when we will see each other next time.. a bit weird to be couples only for 3 weeks"
I get his point of view and I totally agree with it but.. I don't know. I am just sad that I will be nothing to him once he's gone.

In my opinion, the one who moves away can get over someone easier than the person who is left... I think I'm being a bit selfish. He said I sound like he would just forget about me once he gets on a plane.
I thought about stopping talking to him anymore because I am scared the more I spend time with him, it gets harder for me to let him go.

What would you do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he thinks he gets to have his cake and eat it too. (https://tinyurl.com/kyq5yzp)

    You aren't being selfish. You get to define the relationship you are in, because it's your relationship. He can want you to commit to him even though he hasn't committed to you, but that doesn't befront you (https://tinyurl.com/lse9hxd) If you want to see if he continues to pursue you and keep you an important part of his life while he's away, while dating quality men who are pursuing you locally, then do it. He's either up to the competition or he's not. Whatever you do, be honest about it.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Essentially he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want to commit to you for the long term because of his moving, but he wants you to commit to him while he's still here. Some people attempt to make this situation work for them, but no, I wouldn't say this is common. It's his way of manipulating the situation to work for him because he likes you and wants you to be with him and no one else while he's still here. He obviously likes you, but not enough to try the distance thing. I can't say I blame him for any of this, but it's not fair to you either. He's going to be leaving you high and dry and then what?

    Yes, you're allowed to date and kiss others. He's not your boyfriend, and your commitment is only 3 weeks long (which is no commitment at all since there is an end date). He's not going to be happy about it and it will likely end your arrangement while he's still here, but your arrangement is going to end anyway.

    • I totally agree with you.. should I tell him we should be back to friends.

    • Thank you for your message:)

    • I think that's wise. You're going to have to separate regardless anyway. Like @ Dignifire said, he's either up for the competition or he's not. He doesn't get to dictate all the terms of your relationship to suit him.

  • i would let him go, forget about him, if its really meant to be, im sure you guys will find a way back together, its difficult, not impossible

  • Sorry to email you here! But can you enlighten me about more of you know the Austrian guy/ general Austrian dating habits? I don't have a high level on my account to post the link, but here it is:
    girlsaskguys. com/dating/q1601806-austrian-guys-girls-anyone-familiar-with-austria-what-are-the

    Also, what happened after that?