Deciphering the difference between guarding feelings there and just not having them?

I am in a friends with benefits relationship. There are no red flags to suggest he doesn't have feelings for me more then "like" other then him not verbally expressing them. I expect them to be guarded because of the circumstances of why we are friends with benefits.. We thoroughly enjoy our time together.. That said what things can I look for that show the difference between him not having them or him just hiding them? Thank you. He has occasionally referred to me as pretty, beautiful or babe when just texting and saying hello.

And I'm going through a divorce..
He sent me a Christmas Card.. That has to mean something..


Most Helpful Guy

  • Lets clarify.. to be friends with benefits , there have to be some level of feelings, its just not romantic or anything. FB relationships are the ones that have NO feelings. So he's right by keeping it on the "like" level. Again to answer your question, there are feelings but he is respecting the kind of relationship you both have, by not crossing a certain line. You should respect that as well.

    • I'm going through a divorce so its that line he is respecting. We have discussed that should the opportunity present we are the type we'd date, we have that attraction for each other. I already feel that way towards him and wonder if he does too but is hiding them or if they genuinely aren't there. Ty

    • Show All
    • Yes.. And I appreciate that very much. No question he respects me in that way. But I still wish I knew how to tell for sure lol tx!

    • Darling, if dating or relationships were a sure thing, it wouldn't be as much fun. A lot of people, mostly girls thing that if it were a sure thing, it would be better. Believe me, it won't be. It may even drive up the rate of divorce. I have an analogy in the making, of what it would be like, but it still has a few kinks in it to straighten out.

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What Guys Said 2

  • A big one would be if he wanted to be with you without any sex

    • We did discuss this once and he said yes he would.. We both would.

    • Meaning would we date formally.. Yes we both would. I'm going through a divorce so can't right now.

  • Can you gauge how much he misses you and wants to be with you when you're apart?
    Can you assess how bad he would feel if you stopped seeing each other, or stopped having sex?
    I suspect that you both are avoiding using words like love and couple because of the situations you are in, and probably because of scaring each other.

    • A couple times when I text him saying I'm thinking of him he has replied that he was too. I don't know if he misses me but his actions do show that he does think of me. I have several times said if he didn't want to see him I def understand, giving him an out, and he says he wants to when opportunities arise. And we often just hang, snuggle, cook, chit chat when together. Its not just sex. I've even stayed the night for repeat days. We have gone out to dinner too. I feel like he likes me and wants more but he says that we will see what happens and its not good to worry or plan the future. He is very intelligent, great career that requires logical thinking and smarts so I can tell he uses that intelligence when talking to me and sharing or guarding his feelings.

    • Seems like you're both getting it good so far. The problem with people and relationships is that we all seem to want different levels of attention and commitment, and we have fears of rejection at different levels too. I could understand if there's times when you want him and he's not available, and vice versa, and that could get stressful, but you probably both have to learn each others limits and requirements and accept the middle ground. I'd say you both want each other, but are maybe too scared of breaking something if you get too heavy.
      Don't know his situation but you in the middle of a divorce, and he probably doesn't want to get in the middle of that while it's ongoing. I'm guessing you 2 haven't gone public yet. I'm sure he thinks of you day and night.

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