Guys: Are there any reasons why you would NOT date a female?

For example, would you guard yourself against dating a female? If so, why? Does age play a factor (meaning, if you're younger, you're more likely to do so etc).

I ask because a guy I was "with" for a couple years (never title-bound) would ping-pong with feelings. One day he loves me, next he swears he never said it. One minute he can't see his life without me, next "this is just physical". It's driving me mad. There are times when I'm able to get MORE from him. For example, he once admitted that I scare him because I know him better than himself, his friends, and his family and he's afraid I'll hurt him (he had broken up from a 6+ yr relationship about a year before "us") and sometimes, he will randomly admit that he thinks other guys from my race will stare at him because he thinks that THEY think he isn't good enough -- that it bothers him and he doesn't know what to do or how to take that, so he's cautious. However, if I bring THAT up, then I'm "making it up" and I'm "delusional" (mind you, I have the texts and a few voice mails).


Most Helpful Guy

  • your question and subtext don't match at all. but really nobody wants to be pressured to put labels on stuff. and, catching feelings is scary because you become weak emotionally and mentally. its like putting your happiness in somebody else's hands, it is out of control. you give the other person the power to destroy you. maybe you put too much pressure on him when you should have been enjoying your time together. he may have some self esteem issues too. people always want to reach a destination and forget to enjoy the journey. if it is good, no need to rush things. a ring/relationship status does not guarantee anything.

    • They are connected, yes. I ask because I'm trying to figure out if there is a reason why he won't "commit" with me (we are fairly young, just hit mid-20s). If you're into a female, what, if any, reason would keep you from being with her?

    • Show All
    • I forgot to add to the comment I just posted above -- when he told me about her, he told me he was done with "us" and that he had to move on and cut his ties to me; however, he still hasn't removed me from social media and there is absolutely no trace of another female on his Facebook or instagram. I'm not sure if he is deliberately TRYING to push me away for goodness knows what reason.. or what.

    • maybe he did not see a future for you guys due to the distance

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I think you're wasting your time with this one. Tell him its time to commit or you're gone

    • I've seriously considered that; however, I'm head over heels in love with him, so every time I DO think about it, I fear, "well, what if THIS time, he doesn't come back? Then what?"

      It just bothers me because he had to relocate for training purposes and when he came back to visit, he told me that he had a gf back in that new state (mind you, he won't be staying there forever). So it's like.. wow. You can commit to that person, but not me, someone who has been there for you and helped you when you hit rock bottom? Someone you've admitted that you love (although he will vehemently deny it later)? Funny enough, I expected him to remove me from social media since he indicated that he was "done" and needed to move on, but he hasn't. It's been almost 3wks. There's also no sign of another female at all.. it's very odd...

    • I'm telling you this isn't going to go your way. Cut your losses, heal and then find or meet someone that isn't commitment shy

  • If you struggle to connect intellectually, emotionally and physically, dating a girl will not last long.
    By physically I don't necessarily mean sex... I mean if you are not attracted to each other physically.
    It should not be difficult to figure that out after about 5 or 6 dates.

    • Which I agree with! (Thanks for your opinion); however, we are definitely physically attracted to one another, emotionally (well, he ping pongs, but I am) intellectually, I feel we do -- it's just that when we get TOO close, it's like the "fight or flight" comes out... and he flies (boy, does he fly). I have told him to go his own way before, but *every* time, he comes back and will say he can't see himself living the rest of his life without me, he loves me... then when I reciprocate (not immediately, mind you), it's like he gets overwhelmed and starts back-tracking on what he said earlier.. I don't get it.

  • There are so many factors that will prevent me from saying certain girls.


What Girls Said 1

  • drop him. seriously. I've been there. i date a guy (or what i thought was dating) we did what all couples would do, he even tried to kiss me! but when i decided to break it off, he was like "uh, we never dated." it was such lies but i was just like "ok whatever haha" and i dont even think about him anymore while he's still desperatey trying to tell all his friends we never dated (and i never even told my friends we were lol!) these kind of guys are just kinda off and you dont really wanna get involved with him. you deserve to have a guy who knows that he likes and even loves you and has no reason to doubt!

    • you are too ignorant to give an opinion.

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    • Well.. this escalated quickly lol.
      I know what you mean though. I don't want to make excuses for him at all, but his behavior is pissing me off. 2 years of being "with" him and it's just... argh!! I didn't intend to fall in love with him, but I did, so it's that much harder.

    • haha i agree lol but yeah. you should never make excuses for a guy. they dont deserve it haha. some guys are like that and others won't do that. go for those guys! its hard, i know im lookin for one like that myself haha but just keep looking, no one deserves to be treated like he's treating you! good luck!!