What do I do wrong? Always left feeling I'm not enough?

Here is me. Though this list will make me sound cocky, I am very modest but confident.
I am honest, kind hearted, giving, hard working, ambitious, I have no problem standing outside the crowed if that means being true to my self. I have goals and know who I am. I am also attractive. I focus on. internal beauty but my outer also adds to my whole package.

But here is how dating goes
I meet people, we hit it off well. I know I'm attractive, but don't like when guys feel the need to constantly hit on me. "Hey sexy" is an automatic no-go. So I feel like I do a decent job at weeding out people who are interested only in sex...
Once a guy puts in enough time and I trust he is going to stick around it can of course lead to sex. Well seems like. The moment it does, well all the sudden that is all I'm good for. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to continue receiving good Conversations but it is only a matter of time until i turn into a booty call. They usually drop off the. Face of earth or randomly get in a relationship with. Someone else.

So often I hear about how great I am, how happy i make someone, how I'm a perfect package, even once had a guy tell me he loved me (this was someone I knew for years) but all thoes guys, none of them ended up with me.

I've been in two relationships, both long term... the first left me for someone else and the other I found out cheated on me the whole time... I just don't get it.
This last fling I tried hard to keep. I made sure not to get obsessive, or possessive. I gave him space but also treated him like he was my king (not that he was above me, but I made many efforts to make him feel special). For once it was a healthy balance of sex and the. other good stuff... now I'm losing him to another lady as well! :/ like I know I'm a good person, but its just so hard to feel like I am good. Enough sometimes

I guess a better question would be where is the line. From comfortable to smother. And between giving space and not interested. I feel like this is where I make my mistakes.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It get the impression that you are easily trusting, somewhat naive and are being suckered in by players or men who might be interested in you initially but then feel you aren't challenging enough and decide to use as a casual sex partner until someone else comes along.

    Now what happened in your relationships weren't down to you, so I wouldn't blame yourself for the actions of those two guys.

    If you are continuing to do the same things and they are yielding the same results then you need to evaluate what it is you are doing and how you can make the changes necessary to ensure a different outcome.

    To me you don't sound challenging, you seem easily trusting, you're prepared to open your legs before entering a relationship and you seem to want to appease and please too much. None of that sounds remotely attractive to me.

    I can speak for other men and we're all individuals and have our own views, but my advice to you is to sit down, have a long hard think about what you are doing that could be leading to the same results and then try and remedy it.

    • Thank you so much for your honest opinion. I have tried many different approaches but I can see some of the points you've made. You got me figured out when you mentioned my want to appease and please. Its my Achilles heel, unfortunately in all areas of my life. I wouldn't say I trust, I used to but I'm very private now. For example it took 5months with this dude for me to even talk about how my last relationship ended and that was hard for me. But everything you've said makes a lot of sense. How would you suggest I balance pleasing and not.

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    • With this dude that you spent 5 months with were you in a relationship? If you weren't then I cannot fathom why you'd share such intimate stories and personal revelations. Those types of things should be revealed when you're in a relationship and have been for quite sometimes and sorry to say but 5 months really isn't that long.

      I would only aim to please when in a relationship in the dating stage I would be a lot more selfish, the person I'm dating has to prove to me (likewise) that she is worth the commitment, effort and time. Also you must end over backwards and lose any self-respect when it comes this area, if you present yourself as a doormat and as someone who cannot stand up for themselves you will be treated as a doormat and exploited heavily. Never put someone's feelings and wants before your own when they have not done enough to warrant that kind of self-sacrifice and you must ensure they are prepared to do the same. You judge people on their actions and not their words.

    • How to be a challenge is simple; you don't rush into things, you move at a pace that is comfortable for you, you don't aim to please and appease, you aren't Manuel from Fawlty Towers. You make someone earn your trust, your respect and make them work for your commitment, effort and time.

      As for winning this guy back, it's not as simple as that, you cannot force the issue, you may have to respect his decision of not wanting you and wanting someone else and you'll have to dust yourself off and move on.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You know, everything you said is something I feel is quite normal, and quite alright. Normal is a bad word to use here, but you know what I mean. I think the only reason why guys have left is simply cause you haven't met the right one. Of course, I'd have to date you if I wanted to know if you really did screw up, but judging by what you say and how you say it, you'd be a fine girl to date. Don't blame yourself to much.

  • Attractive women pull attractive men who love sleeping around. Its an ego thing. Maybe change your choice in some men?

    • But I don't always. I've dated misfits, and usually go for "average" I'm not impressed by six packs and chiseled jaws... I'm a woman sooo. Duh I like looking at it... and the people I've dated arnt ugly but not usually "the first pick"

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    • Thanks... guess its what I've been doing. This last one just stumped me.

    • Look... I think you know what you doing, just that this dude was a rare miss fire. You sound good enough to screw a hotter, better guy who will treat you well.

  • You're dating all the scumbagssss


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