How do men usually feel a "romantic connection" with someone?

This may sound like a stupid/confusing question but I'm really wondering. I'm really interested in a guy who obviously doesn't reciprocate the feelings. He realizes our compatibilities and that I'd be really good for/to him but just doesn't feel a romantic connection here. If it's worth pointing out, he's also still getting over an ex he has strong feelings for but he wants to move on with the right person. Part of him wants there to be something romantic between us because he feels like I'd been so nice to him with all my support and understanding when it comes to his issues/thoughts. So he kinda feels guilty he can't reciprocate the feelings. We've also had sex on two occasions that he feels guilty about afterwards as he tried to make sure I wasn't hurt or anything. This has been a hard hit to my self esteem because I keep wondering what it is that I'm not doing for him.

We don't see each other very often and mostly connect via instant messaging and texting almost every day. We met online a few months ago so I guess it's also why we don't have much interaction with mutual friends or group settings, etc. We talk extremely well and have fun when we hang out. But why is it that he still doesn't feel much toward me?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Hi
    I think you put your finger on the problem so to speak: "... he's also still getting over an ex he has strong feelings for but he wants to move on with the right person." First I want to clarify that I'm NOT saying you are NOT the right person. Reading what you've written it seems to me that you are doing everything right. You are being supportive, you've demonstrated your intent to pursue a romantic relationship, by being open to physical intimacy and I would say he is aware of this via his demonstrated concern for your feelings. So I would say you've done everything within your control convey your romantic interest.

    I feel you and he are almost there. Although I feel this person is not one to take advantage of your willingness to be intimate, if you believe that a committed relationship is the only context that physical intimacy should take place in then you are going to have to make this clear. I believe he will respect you for it. If he doesn't, than you have other things to take into consideration.

    Continue to be there for him and support him:be there for him be his friend, because the strongest loving bonds grow from friendship. Do this unconditionally and with the knowledge that your love my never be reciprocated: you don't want to hurt yourself in the process.

    A friend once used this analogy: Love is like a bird in your hand, if you try and hold the bird it will struggle to free itself. Keep your hand open and the bird will not struggle to free itself and leave at a time of it's choosing.

    I have seen the spark of friendship start the fire of love. I have seen parted lovers re-unite after years. There is no formula for love.

    Let go of your expectations and live each day and know that if it is meant to be, it will.

    All the best in your search for love and fulfillment.. :)

    • Thanks a lot for your detailed and thoughtful reply! I find your words very helpful. Now I've been receiving a mixed bag of opinions about this - most people say it's no use to keep trying to win a guy over because if after several times of hanging out he still doesn't feel it, then he'll most likely never feel it, not to mention he's on the hunt for other girls and he might meet one he has sparks for so the longer I string myself along with this, the more likely I'd get hurt. Some also say that although he's concerned about my feelings, he's also a dick for getting his immediate needs met that he is willing to poison the well of our friendship by using me for sex and then tells me he's not really into me or feeling romantic, which is pretty narcissistic. Your opinion is quite fresh and positive about this.

  • He doesn't want you to be "rebound girl."


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