My bf wasn't open with me and it hurt?

My bf and I have been together for almost 4 years now. I'm 24 and he is 28 lately when his mother calls he leaves the room even if it is literally just us two. It was starting to bother me like we have been together so long why is he hiding stuff from me? So I very calmly asked him about it and he said that his dad is having a lot of health issues because he is a quadrapalagic. His parents are divorced by the way but that his mom wanted the details to stay within the family. I was like why couldn't you just tell me that after being together so long I would think that you would trust me enough with this type of info I'm not just a casual hookup. It really stung that he couldn't be open with me about this issue. I thought after almost 4 years of being together he would be cometely open with me and that we were family to each other. I'm not just a casual friend, ya know. I also told him when his mom said to keep it within the family im pretty sure that she knows he will tell me since we have been together for so long and all these issues with his dad will effect him so naturally it will effect me too. I said I think she meant more along the lines of not telling friends and such. Since we been together a while and I'm involved with his family I'm sure it is OK for him to tell me. My question is how do I address my hurt with him that he basically said I'm not family after 4 years together and since we plan on getting married? It felt like I been punched in the gut.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you must make it clear to him that your love *him*, regardless of the problems with the rest of his family. This might be an opportunity for you two to become closer, believe it or not.

    He was afraid you could not handle his family baggage, and I would not be so sure his mom was *not* admonishing him to keep you in the dark about it. Dark family secrets are that way.

    Anyway, don't get resentful--that will only make him more defensive. Just make it clear--bluntly--that you are there for him. you have empathy and compassion for him, and he should not feel the need to hide "skeletons in the closet" from you and that you won't judge or condemn him for it.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm sure he was trying to figure it all out, he could have been hurting and feeling vulnerable and trying to cope with it in his own way. He probably didn't want to think about it, telling you about it means bringing it up, then it means that you two might speak on it at a later point in time.


What Girls Said 2

  • Hey Hun,
    I think you should just say it out..
    Get him when he's alone and relaxed and not stressed ask to talk to him and then just say you were a little bit hurt by this and say it
    Let him know you field ou of place

  • Sounds like you need to not mention marriage for another year until you get some counseling together. He purposefully excluded you from that, I would be wary of what else isn't important enough for you to know.

    • That's what I was thinking that we may need counseling because obvs there are some trust issues there if he can't trust me with big issues. What will he not trust me with in marriage?

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