Does dating a girl based on personality work out usually or does that fizzle out eventually?

I'll be honest I've tried to chase some pretty bad girls and I based my choice mostly on looks and the fact that they flirted with me first. Bad move and I'm 21 now and tired of coming up empty. I'm falling for my friend recentlyncause she appreciates me and is trust worthy. she's attractive but doesn't take my breathe away and we can tell each other anything and do. We hang out a lot and she opens up to me and more so than other people and I'm almost sure she likes me. Well the issue is I don't want to date her and start chasing more attractive women if I meet another girl that I really am attracted to.



Most Helpful Girl

  • How the girl looks now and how the girl looks in 10 years will be completely different but personality doesn't change.

    • Very true but I'm not extremely attracted to her now let alone in 10 years.

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    • Ill tell her anything she's asked me how many girls I've slept with and had sex with and I answered honestly. Its weird cause I had a slip up and she told me to creep on her ex and I saw pics of them together in HS and I told that she is she has become really attractive over the years. I was ashamed and she her jaw dropped and she just smiled at me. She was cool about it but ever since then its been weird.

    • She'll let it go, don't worry about. Just don't make a big deal about it and don't bring it up again. On the plus side, you know what not to say to her :)

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would actually expect it the other way around.
    Dating someone just based on their looks seem quite... dull after a while. If you don't have a connection, anything to talk about, no matter how good looking that person it, it gets boring.
    And yes, I do know what I'm talking about. I once dated a guy who was really good looking, but we had nothing in common and it just didn't feel right, it felt boring, to be honest.
    But maybe that's just me.
    A personality can make someone (even more) beautiful :)

    • We've seen each other in our weakest moment and are awlays there for each other. Ltbh she's the only girl I've really let go in front of and just talked about what's bothering me.

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    • Well she's the only girl I've really been close to.

    • All excellent points, CrystalMinds. Great reminder.

  • I think the look should be just the first impression. But shouldn't you really get to know the girl before you start dating them? My boyfriend said he thinks I'm cute (I think that's why he talked to me in the first place). But then we talked and became friends before we started dating.

    • See lokks were second impression for me and I was friends with her for 5 years nkw and now I'm starting to like her cause im tired of being hurt.

    • I think you're on the right path. My point was the reason you were being hurt so often in the past was because you were dating girls out of their looks. But this girl that you've been friend with for 5 years sounds like a good start for a happy ending :)

    • It actually slipped out and I told her that she's very attractive cause her now ex told her that she's not ever going to replace his ex and he can't love her. She cried in my arms and I told her that she deserves better. I don't know we are very close for just friends.

  • Attraction goes beyond looks. If you don't even find yourself attracted to her, I'd say just be her friend and nothing more.


What Guys Said 3

  • Here are a few things to think about: Finding someone you are compatible with as you are with this girl is not easy. However, please remember if she likes you, she wants you to want her in every way, not be the fail safe. This does not mean you are going to find every single thing about her PERECT. I am not suggesting that. But i am suggesting that she is the one you wake up thinking about, and you think about her through the day, and you go to bed thinking about her. She is the one that you want to share things with - funny things, sad things, everyday things, etc. And even if another woman turns your head, you don't feel like you are missing out, when you turn your head back towards her.

    I am not sure this helps, but hopefully these are things to think about...

  • If you are afraid of cheating on her or simply leaving her because you will be more attracted to hotter girls, its simple dont date her.

    If you dont think you will be able to resist the temptation of chasing a hotter girl, thats ok, but she dont need to suffer because of that, especially if she's 1 of your good friend.

    Wisest decision would be for you to wait and get more mature when you will give more importance to personality than look, but if that never happen, just go with really hot girl and hope it will work hot out and that you will like her personality.

    All in all, she just doesn't need to suffer because your not sure if you can prevent your self from chasing other girls. Wait until you know she will be the only 1 for you

    • That's what I fear its tough I want to like her. And am trying to force myself.

    • Sadly, there's not a lot of things you can do. You can't force yourself to like her, because what will mostly happen is that at the first fight, you will start wanting to give up, or if things are not always great with her, you will always think in the back of your head: maybe I can just spend 1 night with this hot girl I saw last night, or things like that.

      Your best choice would be to

      #1: dont do anything serious with her, until you are 100% SURE you will not cheat or chase hotter girl before

      #2 Focus on hotter girls, even if its rarer, there's certainly hot girls with a good personality out there, just search harder :)

      #3 Try to do more activities with your friend, without getting to close, but try to see if by spending time with her, maybe you will develop a real interest and will not care at all about hotter women.

      But the most important thing is: If she's really your good friend, you really dont wanna break her heart because you thoguht it could have worked

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    • Lol well that's an extreme and major age difference. In all seriousness i just want to hold a trustworthy girl in my arms and have someone there for me.

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    • OK lol well you picked an extreme disparity tbh I don't think I'll land a 20 year old as hot as the second pic let alone one who older.

    • Well, take it as you see it.