Pursued her too much, got friendzoned, and am trying to get out, but it's too late to say "i'm not interested in being friends"?

I realized the mistakes i was making with a girl i've been seeing. She was really nice, and definitely into me, but I pursued her too much and the attraction began to drop. First she asked to slow down, which i didn't do. Then she said there wasn't chemistry, which i know was the result of my chasing her. Then she friendzoned me. When she said "I just want to be friends" i neither accepted nor declined the friendship, because i didn't know what i was supposed to do. Instead i dropped her home, and proceeded to ignore her texts and stopped initiating with her. After two days she reached out to me with a "I don't want to lose your friendship, i really miss your friendship, please can we still be friends." Of which i neither declined nor accepted.

I saw her this morning for a Christmas picnic (was the only time i could see her), and we laugh, have fun, and generally have a good time. When she started playing with her hair and with the gift i gave her, I said "Come over here and give me a kiss before you wear the gift out." She laughed, and smiled, but didn't come over to kiss me. I left it, and after a bit of chit chat, I saw her playing with her hair again, and again i said, "come over and kiss me". She reacted by saying, but we are friends, and friends don't kiss, smiling as she did so. To which i responded, "you are right, friends don't kiss" and i proceeded to take her home.

I am continuing with not initiating and when she reaches out, i will make a date and try again. I'm still not sure what to do about the situation. It's a little too late to say to her, "sorry i'm not interested in being just friends, give me a call when you change your mind". So is there anyway of going about this the right way so that i can get the girl i desire?

I'm open to seeing other girls, but this girl and i have a lot in common, so would like to, over time, form something with her. Any advice from the guru's out there?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Some of us non guru's have pretty good opinions also lol... i would say not to text saying this because she has friendzoned you for a reason you are coming on too strong and she isn't into this she is wanting the phases going out doing things see how she feels then the kiss then the nxt step becoming official, she is obv into you that is why she said friends dont kiss that is a cheeky flirt lol take it slow dont rush because you will chase her away just make sure that the time you spend together is fun and that your not always going on about getting with her

    • ye i don't text her anymore... I leave her to initiate, no matter how long it takes, and when she does, i arrange a date and end the conversation. I was coming on a little too strong in the first month of dating, and being clingy and needy, and more "feminine' than "masculine" which i'm now in the process of changing. i would always initiate, and we'd talk through texting and what not, which caused her attraction to drop. (hopefully i caught myself in time)

      When i do see her, i react according to the signs. If she plays with her hair, i playfully tell her to kiss me. if she touches me, i go in for the kiss. Regardless if i get rejected or not. If she objects, i back off and be cool about it. It's more about showing her what i want and that i'm still interested. Also i'm letting her come to me... Will continue this in the next comment :P no space lol

    • I made the fatal mistake of bringing up relationship talk with her, and what i should've done (now that i realize it) is leave it, and let HER bring it up. Which now i'm going to do, regardless of how long it takes.

      And to reiterate on the kissing thing... I only do it if i see the signs (playing with her hair, touching or what not) because i want to let HER come to ME, rather than force myself onto her which i did in the beginning. I know she is into me, because she never rejects my invitations to hang out, always laughs at my stupid jokes, keeps eye contact with me when we talk and the flags are up and out in the open, and they were there since i first met her. But i need to change my game, which i'm busy doing. and... I refuse to be friendzoned, been there before and it was HELL lol

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It's clear that she's not into you. Also, her playing with her hair doesn't mean that she's into you. I play with my hair all the time because it's a habit. Worst case scenario, it can also be a sign of her feeling uncomfortable.
    You don't need to announce that you don't want to be her friend. Simply stop seeing and/or talking to her. If she asks why you've stopped, you can say that you just lost interest. You're making a really big deal out of this. Move on.

    • Yet when i told her to kiss me, she laughed and smiled. and it wasn't an awkward smile, or an uncomfortable smile. Plus when she said "friends don't kiss" her smile was more cheeky than usual. She continues to text me, even though i stopped, she never rejects my invitations unless she's got something going on, but she always gives a counter date or says yes the next time. You could say that (as wrong as this sounds), that i'm more curious about whether or not she IS into me or not and that's why i'm going for it. I don't mind being proven wrong, but i prefer it if i can prove myself right. To me, it's a test, it's a challenge, with the reward of something bigger if i succeed. Plus, i'm learning from all of this :P and i need it...

    • But she didn't kiss you. If she was into you, she would have kissed you. She only sees you as a friend. Smiling and joking is friendly behavior. You're reading too much into signs that aren't even there.

    • Okay... she did kiss me before though, at least 3 or 4 times. But it don't matter, got a date with someone else tomorrow, i've stopped caring :P

What Guys Said 4

  • Sorry m8, been there myself but lucky for you, I know now what I didn't know then- No regrets! Tell her how you feel, tell her why you feel this way/what she does that makes your heart skip a beat or gives you that twitterpated feeling in your stomacb, tell her when you realized it. If you're not honest and you allow this chance to slip away by pulling away as a friend, you will always remember and always regret. And who knows... maybe she can tell you're interested and is waiting for you to just say it already but you don't want to make the mistake of holding back, regardless.

    • hahaha i did EXACTLY that... and that is when she dropped the line: "let's just be friends". I learned now, actually, that the relationship talk should wait until SHE brings it up, and when i'm dating, i shouldn't be worried about a relationship. Because if she gets to the point where she wants you as her bf, SHE'LL bring the topic up. Until then just hang out, have fun and hook up. And SHE friendzoned ME, right? So she shouldn't have a problem if i see other women. After all, she ain't the only one i'm seeing.

    • ... she's just the one i want to get in the end...

  • Dude, when a girl says there's no chemistry, it means there NEVER will be. There is nothing you can do. She asked you to do things. You didn't do them. Get over yourself, and get over her. It doesn't matter one iota whether you have a lot in common: she has said NO.

  • It's never too late to end a friendship. I say end it and walk away.

  • I won't be much help but personally, I would pursue her until you lose interest yourself or one of you meet someone. In my experience, they really just want to be friends or they become jealous when even just talking to another girl (or talking about girls). You can take a huge risk and tell her she's on your mind all the time. Either way, try to play it cool... but sounds like you already are.

    • I've stopped pursuing her, and now have her pursuing me. As i said, i don't initiate with her anymore, and she now initiates with me. When she does, i don't reply straight away, maybe a few hours later, and instead of talking through text, i arrange a date and end the conversation. Maybe the next time i see her, i'll briefly mention the other girls i'm seeing without going into too much detail. Maybe say something like "i'm seeing this other girl i met, this evening after work."

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    • Ye i don't make the dates vague... I give a specific time and day, and she either says yes or no. If no, i end the conversation and continue with my day. And like i said, it was I who got myself friendzoned. She wasn't worried, but she was being pressured into something she was not yet emotionally invested in. And i didn't give her the time or the space to become emotionally invested. I should've let her chase, and now i'm letting her by not initiating. There's a saying I heard somewhere: "If a girl is chasing you, she can't reject you." I just have to be patient and take each day at a time. I'm curious to see how this all ends up lol

    • Sounds like you really like her but your situation really sucks. I have a feeling someone else will catch your eye sooner or later though :)

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