How do I tell him I want to be with him with no strings attached without offending him?

I have been with a guy for four months. For two of those we were seeing each other two days a week. Then I started to get feelings, told him aboutbut he didn't say anything about how he felt. We kept seeing each other but once a week and I just felt like I was getting his full attention and kind of accused him of being with other people. He got mad and told me to forget our relationship then to let's just be friends that he had no time for anyone. We stopped seeing each other for two weeks. I asked if we could see each other again and he kind agreed even though it seemed like he wasn't sure. We started seeing each other once a week but then he would cancel or say he was busy. I finally sent him a text after I tried calling him telling him that as hard it was for me I was moving on because I didn't think he cared about me the same way that I did... That I was willing to wait for him but as long as we could try a relationship in which we see each other once a week and that if he cared about me too would he agree... He replied right away (after he had not answered previous texts) saying how he said he didn't want a relationship right now... he just wanted some peace... I know I can be aggressive and pushy and maybe that made him hide. I have caught him checking me out when I go buy stuff where he works and he never wants me to leave when we're together. But he's also always been a single guy and he doesn't like a girl taking over his life. I feel like he's afraid of giving himself to me and is hiding how he feels. I joked about how I noticed him checking me out one day and that I think he liked me a lot and ever since then he stopped replying to my texts and would answer when I passed by the store. The last time we were together he was holding back on how he felt. I want him back and want to tell him to take things slow without a relationship. But I don't know if that would offend him? I have met friends and family. We have been sexual.

We also used to communicate more in the beginning of our relationship but somehow that died down and I don't know if I did something to stop us from communicating. I have other guys whom are giving me attention but I'm only seeing them as friends and not sure if my guy can sense I'm talking to other guys. I had told him before he was my one and only and that I wanted him to be my one and only too. He would always laugh when I would say that. Not a mean laugh but a giggly flirty one. I don't know
If I was just being played and he finally got feelings and felt bad for stringing me along and decided that maybe it's better to push me away? Or is it possible he was falling for me too and he couldn't have that? He always lights up when I see him so it's very confusing for me. Also I am older than by close to 7yrs so maybe that too?


Most Helpful Guy

  • he sounds like a douche bag and a player. also you seem very clingy, but then again, it's tougher for guys to get girls so your behavior is just fine for someone actually looking for a relationship.

    It seems like your guy doesn't want a relationship and it seems like you want more than just sexual encounters, I say that you dump this guy and move on because there are lots of other guys out there who will treat you with better respect, or at least communicate better. It just sucks women want men that don't want them as much, and will kindly reject men who do actually express their feelings and want to progress things forward. so, you have to be willing to let go of the flower plucking mentality and the what ifs, and the, does he like me? mentality and go for men that are mature enough to not play games, i mean, you are over 35, usually women at this point want men whose intentions are clearer.

    big hug

    • I was married for a long time and so dating has been a challenge for me. I'm 36 and have been separated from my exhusband for about 5yrs. Even though I've dated guys, this guy was the first one I was with sexually since my exhusband. I guess I enjoyed having a guy hug me, cuddle me and have sex with. This guy was always affectionate and would always satisfy my needs first unlike my other sexual partners. I know he's been gothrough drama with his daughters mom (they separeted about 4yrs ago and supposedly I was his first from then too) I always told him I didn't want a one night stand and that I wanted someone to be with as a boyfriend and he understood. Yes I can be needy and maybe that's what made him distant himself? But he also could be because he liked that I was giving him attention and he wanted me to go to the store every chance I got to visit him. I did. But after I sent him the text I haven't been over there. It's been almost a week.

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