Should I wait this out or leave?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and lived together for 1 year, we both left college and moved in together. He is 11 years older than me. Ever since we finished college he has been looking for a good job and just hasn't had any luck.

He'll find jobs he likes but are temporary or seasonal. He keeps blaming society and saying that you either need to be rich or know a lot of people in good places to get a good job. Right now he's just working as a part time line cook and he hates it. He's getting very depressed as its slow season so he is getting few hours and there are very few other job opportunities.

I have been trying my absolute best to make things easier on him. I've even applied to a higher paying position at work but he is just making me feel guilty for making more money than him. He seems very cold and distant lately. He also plays a lot of video games on his computer and doesn't do much with me. He often vents about his anger and frustration and hopelessness to me and if I get upset he makes me feel weak and pathetic.

I am trying so hard to stay positive and supportive, but I feel very unappreciated and unloved. If he does get a good job, I know it'll be fine. His mood will perk up and he ll and treat me like he used to. If he never finds a good job though, it will always be like this.

I don't know what I should do. Until these job problems cropped up he was very loving, kind and fun. Should I Hang in and hope he finds a new job soon or leave and not put up with this because he may never get that "good" job he wants?


Most Helpful Girl

  • There is anew year approaching, sweetie, and with what is going On under your roof in this love not so nice nest right now, may end up to either Get worse And-------It will always be like this.
    There is nothing in life with any guarantees but death and taxes. Life is a gamble and when it comes to this economy Today, which is only going to get worse, one is Lucky, especially This time of year, dear, to have even A-----Part time line cook. after Christmas and the new year, dear, things really slow down and they even start to lay off before doing inventory and things of this nature.
    The longer he hangs in there and Continues to make you 'Feel guilty for making more money than him,' the longer and More he will Continue to put you on his back burner and make life Hot as hell for you. It will get to the point And Your boiling point where you end up flipping him the bird, give him his wacky walking papers and head out the door, not letting it hit you in your butt on the way out as you Shout: You're on your own now, bud... have a good life.
    It's your choice, your call how long you want to stay in his cocky court. But unless you lay a few ground rules down about his Big Ball Attitude, he will keep walking all over you, put you on his pay no mind list and the next thing you know, he will be walking out that door himself to find a few more tricks up his sniveling sleeve, that you never even anticipated with having nursed and nurtured this relationship and Him, the man you thought you knew.
    Might I suggest you have him go on Craig's List if you are in the USA... there are many job openings and if all possible and you have this as well, there is Work Force, which you can apply with and go with if you have This in your area... these are both very helpful.
    Good luck. xx


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What Guys Said 2

  • His case is tough, the problem is that you also suffer because of it. Finding a good job is important for him but he needs to understand that he can't charge his anger on you. And making you feel guilty for making more money than him is pointless, you're just trying to help.

    Well, talk to him about how you feel, have a serious conversation and make him face the situation. Say you understand him, but this is really bothering you and that you miss the man he once was, stuff like that. Perhaps he may not like it, but he'll have to face the situation and maybe he'll try to change.

  • sounds like depression to me

    • I suspect that may be the case, but it's been like this for the better part of the last year. I've suggested he see a doctor or therapist or even go to church or something because he loves to discuss religion and the philosophy surrounding it, but he always refuses and says that its society that's all fucked up, not him so nothing he does will change his situation.

What Girls Said 1

  • If I were you, I would leave. Have you ever heard of determinism? People with a deterministic view of life blame everything on the circumstance. Pretty much, they feel that if they are in a rut, they cannot get out of it. He is blaming society on his inability to get a job, when he is playing video games. Everyone has freewill and can change their situation. Does he not understand that very few people get a good job straight out of college? Most successful people have took what they had and worked their way up. To me, it sounds as if he is in a rut that he has to get out of himself. Maybe tell him you need a break, if he used to me loving, kind, and fun? That is wrong of him to make you feel guilty for your success.