Would a successful guy crave comfort?

So I know this guy, not well, (barely), but I can sense that he seems to like me, at least more than I like him.

I wasn't interested in him before I noticed how much it seemed to bother him that I ignored him, and he was trying to make nice with me later. Then I was like... hmm

I don't get why. I'm attractive and kind, but he knows other people like this also. I don't mix with his friends, or his life.

The only thing I could think of is that he likes being himself around me, since I'm not judgmental. He clearly has a shortage of good friends he can trust, both guys and girls.

Would this kind of guy, truly 'like' me, and can be trusted as being a good partner? I'm afraid he's just fishing for people who he can find a comfort zone in, for his own selfish reasons.


Most Helpful Guy

  • No, I think this is a very good situation. Men exist in a highly competitive world - not just with each other, but with the world itself. We view that we are in a battle to protect ourselves and our families. It is essentially impossible for us to maintain that mental state full time; we will go insane without some downtime. Part of that downtime that we need needs to be in a nonthreatening environment. And this is the key to love with a man: If a woman can create for a man an environment of safety, trust, and intimacy in which he can recharge and let his guard down, he will fall in love with that woman. And, if you think about it, this is a big reason why, when a woman cheats on her man, he is that much more upset about it - because that is like allowing another threat enter his intimate safe-zone.

    Successful guys are often A-type personalities with a bit of paranoia in them so they desperately need that safe zone. He senses he can establish one with you. If he can, he will be in love with you and, as long as you can maintain that, he should remain yours.

    • I think part of the problem is that we met in a competitive setting of Business school; so there's kind of this competition not necessarily that he has with me, but I have with him. While I suspect that I'm smarter, being a man, especially an outgoing one, in comparison to me who is more reserved, gave him a leg up opportunities wise.

      This quality of selfishness that I see in him really bothers me. It's like he runs after other people, (not necessarily women, I think people in general he can 'get' things out of), and then expects me to be caring towards him when he wants me to.

      Part of the reason I'm so guarded around him is because he already left me out to dry once, and that memory's burned in my brain. Once bitten, twice shy.

      Do you believe you can start really liking someone almost instantaneously? The way he looks at me, is as though I'm on a different level than all these people he has in his company. But he could be a great actor

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    • I've never gotten along well with women; better with guys. He is aware I got into a conflict with a friend of mine, and I was so upset at the time I was venting about it.

      I wonder if he thought I was jealous of her; I was not. I was hurt at her behaviour, but who knows what guys think, probably saw it as me bitching about her or something.

      In reality, most women, have fake friendships, unlike men who hold loyalty very dear to them. I wonder what men make of that; sometimes my mother and father also argue about this. My mom will be talking negatively about someone, and the response will be that she always looks at the negativity in people.

      But as a woman I can sort of understand whose correct and whose wrong; still to the person at the other end who wasn't related to her, she'd look as though she was in the wrong.

      Interesting thing I've to keep in mind too; don't vent too much it'll make you look like a back-biter, even if you're not

    • It's OK to vent, just be careful how you vent. Sometimes my wife would have a bad day at work and she'd rip into me over meaningless crap at home. So, shot back "Would you talk to your boss this way?" That was a rhetorical question because she wouldn't - she'd be terminated on the spot. "Well, I'm not your boss; I'm your husband." implying that I have a bit of rank but, moreso, I am there to support her. Usually, there'd then be a discussion and I'd discover she'd have an issue at work and we'd discuss it and basically, I'd let her vent in an acceptable fashion. But, no way, I was going to let myself be her "Bobo Clown" to punch as way to vent from her job.
      There is an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in which Ray's parents Frank and Marie may argue but they let everything out so their relationship is actually healthier than Debra's parents who keep stuff bottled up.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You won't know until you give it a chance. I don't mean going out with him, but start talking more, maybe hang out one day. Focus on how he acts around you. Is he just talking about himself, ir does he also show interest in you, and trying to get to know you more deeply?
    It's not difficult to spot the selfish guys, but you first gotta give them a chance.

    • My first impression of him the first time I met him was he was selfish.

      When he noticed I was very introverted, and seemed to dislike crowds of people, he kind of got up and started mixing with all the others that were talking to everyone.

      I felt hurt, but that was the first sign I got that he's very into looking at what other people think of him.

      After a while I figured he's not that bad, but the first impression I had of him, it still sticks with me even today

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    • Or maybe he's asking himself the same question "does she like me?", so he asked his friend and told him that story.
      I've told you what I think you should do, and you've already done it, so jow it's up to you to decide if you wanna keep trying, or just give up on him. Trust your gut.

    • Yeah that could be one of the reasons he told him. I don't think he realizes his friend is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

      My gut says I'll be seeing him in the future. And that he isn't over me.

      Thank you for your answer

  • Yes, it's lonely at the top.


What Girls Said 1

  • Why wouldn't he like you?

    • Because he's selfish, and has an insecurity about his looks.

      I don't like his friends, and generally don't mix well with people; he was quick to spot that. I feel like if he'd date someone, he'd look for all these things.

      Not sure if he's matured with age, or still like that.