Girl absolutely insisted on paying for the first date (but I insisted on paying). Bad sign?

So I went on a date with a younger, but very smart and very mature girl tonight. She's in her mid 20s and a physician's assistant. I'm in my early 30s and a small business owner.

The date went alright, but she seemed a little tired. I did get her to smile a few times but she didn't react to my humor as much as I hoped for. She did talk to me a lot though.

Anyway the bill came around (it was around $70... it was a pretty nice restaurant) and by instinct I grabbed the bill. She absolutely insisted on paying her half... and I joke around "you can get the next date... you see I'm trying to rope you in for a 2nd go around". She laughed... but she was a little stiff.

Afterwards I walked her out to her car and gave her a hug (twice). She said she had a good time but had to get up early tomorrow.

I think I'm going to wait 4-5 days to call her for a 2nd get together. She might not be interested... but maybe she was just tired. But that is most vehemently I have ever seen a girl want to pay her half. She is certainly a over achiever... maybe a feminist... so maybe that plays into it. However is this a sign she is just not interested and wants to pay her half so she doesn't come off as a freeloader? I didn't make any sexual innuendos towards her.

She was very cute (we met on tinder) and I'm impressed with her. Am I just having wishful thinking?

Truth is she probably has more disposable income than I do right now (she lives rent free and is getting a PA's salary). She did ask me why I was interested in younger girls. I was honest that I had kind of a "youthful spirit" (which is true) and I just have more fun with younger girls. Cold truth is I just might be too old for her. I don't know. She was definitely interested when we first started talking/texting. Maybe she isn't physically attracted to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I definitely think it's because you said you were moving. She was probably interested up until you told her that. She might have even been kinda pissed/disappointed which is why she insisted on paying for herself. Just to make a point that she definitely didn't consider it a date after that. I mean think of it from her perspective. She goes on a date with someone who she thinks she might actually have a potential future with. She's excited. She's into it. Then all of a sudden he says he's leaving in a week? I mean how would you feel? Used, right? And pissed! Because how serious can a guy who plans on moving far away from her even be? So yeah, she got mad, but played it cool. If you really are into her though, I think you should definitely contact her and explain your situation. She might be skeptical, but just convince her to give you another chance! And none of this waiting 3 or 4 days bullshit. Whoever the hell came up with that rule is a fucking moron. If you want to talk to her, then do it. And if she's still not interested, then at least you tried right?

    • I followed up two days later and offered to introduce her to kickboxing (I'm a very experienced martial artist). She was very interested, but not available for the times I could take her the gym. She did tell me earlier that she was going to be out of town for a while, so I don't think she made up that excuse. I guess the reason I'm a little hung up on her is that there a real possibility that I might come back. I don't want to move, but I have to for work. However I have been looking for work locally so I don't have to leave. It could seriously come down to one phone call to change my entire situation. I would like a connection with her just in case this happens. That's why I went on the first date with her. I'm just trying to figure a way to explain this to her. I don't want to come off as too hot and heavy since I just met her... but I also want her to know I'm not looking for a pump & dump.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • "Youthful spirit" I don't know. That would turn me off. The whole point I know I like older guys is to get away from that. To me, that sounds like you still wanna "mess around". When people say "have fun". they usually use that as a euphemism for like casual sex or to not be in a serious relationship. She sounds similar to me in fact. And I know if I hear those phrases, it would be a red flag that this person doesn't want anything serious. If she's like me, which she sounds similar, that may be why.
    No matter how physically attractive the guy is. I date for ever or for never, and that would definitely turn me off.

    • However you put "youthful spirit" into context. My ex was 25 and we got along very well (dated for a year). Truth be told I'm not pushy about sex, but maybe she got the wrong impression. I did legitimately like her for who she was.

    • Show All
    • you think I got any chance at salvaging this if I text her a few days from now saying "hey I really enjoyed meeting up... I just wanted to make sure you didn't get the wrong impression...". I'm only doing this because there is a chance I will get to stay where I'm at.

    • For me, I probably would be willing to at least hear him out. That would give me a little bit of "hope" I guess. But I'd still be cautious. It may or may not convince her, it wouldn't really convince me. But I'd still be willing to at least give the guy a chance to "redeem" himself.

  • I'm no feminist or anything, but I like the idea of paying 50/50 unless the guy is purposely taking me out to dinner or something for a special occasion. Same goes vise versa, I'll pay for the meal if it's his birthday or I take him out on a date. I don't think men should have to pay for everything, like how women shouldn't have to do all the chores. I'm not a feminist, I just think there should be balance in everything, not all that stupid gender equality stuff. Like, okay, men and women are equal, but both men and women enjoy being pampered too. I'm getting off topic.

    • 50/50 on a first date when the dinner was the guy's idea? I'm hoping she believes what you believe...

    • Oh. Well, in your case I guess I would've let the guy pay if he took me out on this date.

    • yeah but the fact she insisted on paying for date leads to me believe she's not interested.

  • I've done that so a guy that I didn't seen in a dating way couldn't hold anything against me.. but that's just me

  • My boyfriend insists on spending on me and paying for almost everything when we go out even if we make about the same wage, and I'm very independent and would be more then happy to pay for the date


What Guys Said 2

  • For me, the only times a girl has insisted on paying is when she clearly had no interest, and wasn't planning on seeing me again, and probably didn't want to feel any obligation to do so.

    Even girls that are on the fence will generally let you pay. Especially if the bill isn't even that high.

    • yeah I kind of suspected that... was just hoping against hope that wasn't the case. It was a steep bill... kinda of wish I let her go dutch.

    • Was it $70 per person? Or together?

    • $70 together... not too bad. I was commenting in an above post that I broke the news that I'm moving out of state in a week for work (but trying to find a way to stay). Her demeanor changed when I said that... she probably thinks I'm looking for a hit & run before I leave. That really isn't the case. I figured I could say hello and who knows, I might find a way to stay. I'm going to wait till tomorrow (48 hours) and be straight up with her

  • Wow, your situation is a tough one to call.

    Better give it more time (that second date) before we all make assumptions for you.

    • yeah I'm going to text her a few days. I'll know my answer by then. It could be a lost call... but I don't know.