2months long-distance dating - He's become distant & blames it on his highpressure job. Do I just stop initiating contact and let him take a lead?

We used to text throughout the day non-stop and talk at least 3 times per week over the phone (we're more than 3000km apart). Lately I feel like he has been distancing himself from me. If I bring that up, he always says he is sorry and that he is just crazy busy with work. To his defense, he is a dr and runs two practices and lately has had staffing issues. Nevertheless, I feel like I've been initiating all contact lately and it makes me feel like I'm being needy. I do like him a lot and want this to turn into something more serious, but do not want to chase after someone who is not ready for a relationship or wants to put in time and effort into one (just got out of a 10yr relationship that was exactly that!). How do I either have a convo with him about this or go about the entire situation? He is also 10yrs older, got out of a short marriage over 1 1/2 ago (she cheated) and has no kids. My story is fairly similar... broke off engagement after my fiance had a 6month affair with a co-worker. Both of us are fearful of getting hurt again and I feel this also comes into play here. Any comments/suggestions/opinions welcome!!! Thank you.


Most Helpful Guy

  • i think its best if you guys can meet up and discuss the future
    doing it on the phone is not a great idea specially considering your pasts
    on contact well, drs are pretty busy people so i think he is telling the truth and complaining to him about it would only make him feel worse

    • Thanks! I agree it would be best to discuss this in person, however, 3,000km is quite a distance. I've visited him in December and hopefully (if all goes well), he will be visiting me in late January/early February . I am just not sure how to go about all this until then. I do know he has been quite stressed with work, so do I just keep initiating convos until then or let it go until things on his end quiet down and let him take the lead. Just don't want to be needy.

    • well be needy
      its good to be needy and hungry
      thats what makes us humans.
      and well he's coming home soon so u can discuss the future over dinner

    • Yeah :) You just always hear how big of a turn off it is to be needy especially in a new "relationship". Thanks again.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • It might actually be work but you never really know. I knew a guy that griped about the time difference after we had one minor dissagreement but my friend with a whole day and four hour time difference can make time to talk and he does way more in a day than him. I think you should stop talking for a while and if he really cares he'll initiate contact. If he doesn't, wait like a month and if he still has the same bullshit excuse or wants in some type of emergency just tell him peace.

    • Thanks. Good point. I'll try to talk to him this weekend and go from there. Our time difference is 2 hours (when I was travelling it was 8 hours).

    • See... I know doctors can be very busy people but he's messing up. If he could make time with an 8hr difference but can't make time for 2. That sounds a little suspect.

  • Talk to him about it, maybe he's really really busy. Unless and until you talk to him, you won't be able to understand the problem. Misunderstandings usually ends relationship, so better talk to him about it.

    • Thanks! You're right. Maybe this is something I can "gently" bring up this weekend.

      I guess what's also stressing me is that I've been away for the holidays (traveling in Europe) and missed him a lot - we were only emailing each other (no texts, no calls) as we were both so busy. The fact that I've been back for 2 days know and we have not had a chance to contact over phone upsets me a bit.

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