Why do guys freak out about a girl's expectations after sex?

Why is how soon or not a girl has sex with you such a big deal? Any why do guys get so terrified of a girl's subsequent expectations even if she's completely chill about the whole thing.

I don't place a lot of emotional significance on the first time with a guy - it's actually the second time that's significant to me. I tend to take an attitude of if I feel a connection, go for it and see if he comes back because if he does then I know I have something.
For most guys I've dated though, he'll seem to act as if I have huge expectations of him because I slept with him, even though I made it clear exactly what my expectations of him were beforehand and was also careful to mention that when I say I don't expect something, that's actually the case.
I generally try to hide my irritation and respond by backing off for a week or two until he stops freaking out.

Sleeping with a guy the first time does tend to amplify whatever feelings I had somewhat and make me somewhat more appreciative of him. The way guys seem to act all terrified I'm going to become some sort of super clingy psycho for a few weeks subsequently is very off putting for me. No amount of clear communication or reassurance seems to help - those conversations leave me feeling that he's talking to a totally different girl who exists only in his mind. Waiting longer than I naturally would doesn't have any effect either.
How can I get a guy to accept this just isn't a big deal to me and own up to it if they're the one who needs to wait to know me better?

Or is a certain amount of freaking out about an impending relationship normal for guys and something i'll have to get used to?


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  • Well I think that they're freaking out because most people assume that if you're sleeping with me you have serious feelings for me and you'd want more then just sex out of the situation.

    • Perhaps I wasn't clear enough - it comes across like he thinks because we had sex i'm going to try and control every aspect of his life. Fwiw, I do have a lot of trouble with people assuming I don't care just because I'm not possessive by mature.