How can a 'rusty' 28 year old get back into the dating scene?

I had no problems getting dates during my late teens and early 20s, and was also involved in 2 serious relationships. But I have stayed single for almost 5 years now and didn't even attempt to date, because I focused on completing my graduation (I was a drop out) and start off with a decent career.

Now I'm 28, and I feel this urge to get back into the dating scene. But this time it is totally different because I only want to focus on building a long term, committed relationship instead of short-term dating for fun.

The problem is, I have become kinda 'rusty' during the past few years regarding my interaction with women, and don't know how to go about it. I have no idea where I could even meet women I'd be interested in, because I don't go to nightclubs (since I'm a teetotaler). The way i see it, most people get dates in nightclubs but that isn't possible for me.

I'm not interested in dating co-workers and risk jeopardizing my job. Dating sites are an option, but almost everyone tells me that they're an utter waste for men due to the skewed male-female ratio on such sites (lot more men than women).

Most of my friends are male. And I really wouldn't want to get romantic with my female friends because I'm quite sure they would have buried me deep in the friendzone already, and I too don't feel anything for them apart from friendship.

So I don't really know WHERE I can find single women, because the very few women I did comes across and was interested in, were either married or taken. Besides, I wouldn't want to hit on random women in public places and creep them out. And I don't really have the type of friends or acquaintances who could set up a blind date for me.

Any suggestions?

P. S. I don't reside in the US, UK or Australia (most members on this site are from these countries), so please try to provide generic solutions instead of country-specific ones.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah I agree with @SamiJane on everything she said about online dating. I think it probably is your best bet. You could try volunteering for something to meet women or possibly one of your guy friend's girlfriends know someone for you? I don't think nightclubs are great places to get dates actually, like at all. Bars might be a bit better and possibly a bit more casual. Nightclubs are way more "hook-upy".

    Oh, and I think if it happens naturally enough or smoothly enough you could ask for a stranger's number. Like if you guys start chatting a bit over something (spilled coffee or whatever) and it goes well I don't see anything creepy about asking, as long as you do it in a friendly, open way. This photo (link below) from the Humans of NY blog is what I thought of when I read what you wrote about "I wouldn't want to hit on random women in public places and creep them out"

    • That link really cheered me up and made my day! Thank you so much!

      Yeah, seeking the help of my friend's girlfriends would be a good option that i could try. I really don't want to try online dating until I have exhausted all other options, because some really nasty stuff happen on those sites even for men, such as women offering to 'hook up for a price' or something similar. And even when I skim through dating sites, the environment in general seems so depressing.

    • Show All
    • hm ok, fair enough. I don't personally know anything about those sites just that they seem more legit. Sorry I don't know what else to say... best of luck though :)

    • Thank you for your inputs! I'm not ruling out dating sites, but i just want to consider them as the last option.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Good luck. I'm in the same predicament lol. Online dating would probably be your best bet. I don't really think the female to male ratio is skewed though, I think it's more of an issue of girls either being too loose on there or too suspicious of seemingly "decent" guys. I always tended to fall under the "extremely suspicious" category lol.

    • Hmmm... I don't suppose dating sites can serve my purpose, because my looks don't 'stand out' from thousands of other men (although I look above average), and women can't really 'notice' me.

  • I am in the same boat and just posted same similar question. No ideal what to do lol.


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