Why is my bf so closed up?

I've been dating my bf for 2 years now. I've noticed that he doesn't like opening up. If I ask him how he feels about something, he gives a one word response. Ex, I was talking to him on the phone today and he seemed really quiet: "Are you ok? You sound like something is wrong" His response was: "I'm fine, nothing is wrong with me" and he sounded a bit annoyed. He only talks about his day.. anytime we talk about something else he tends to change the subject. We were once talking about God, and when I asked him his opinion he just goes "I don't know". He's very affectionate with me, and he does care about me. A few months ago I told him I was feeling frustrated about how closed up he is and he apologized and said that its just how he is. This is my first boyfriend, and I'm a little confused if this is just how guys are or if he's just not the type of guy to open up. I just find it difficult to connect with him on a deeper level when he doesn't talk to me about his feelings. Do guys open up differently than women? How do I get him to open up, or do I just learn to accept it?


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What Guys Said 1

  • A lot of people, not just guys end up this way due to their upbringing. It probably means he has never had a close relationship in his family before and therefore hasn't learnt to express his feelings well.

    One thing that struck me was when you said you asked him if anything wrong. He replied there is nothing wrong with me.. Did he insinuate he thought you were asking if something was wrong with him rather than his mood?

    As for staying with him, I doubt you will be able to change how open he is, so it's up to you to figure out of its something you can deal with permanently or not.

    My friend has the same problem with her bf. Nice guy and all but gets very defensive when asked about feelings. The irony about it is, he actually has many problems, but not admitting to any of them and being honest to himself is making them worse. Whether you see the same in your boyfriend may be a different matter.

    As a guy who has no problem expressing how he feels this is the best I can answer based on my experiences of other people.

    • very helpful, thank you! :)

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