Guy uses silent treatment on me when he's upset, but with no warning. What should I do?

This guys is otherwise awesome, a great communicator, and we talk all the time. He seems dedicated on making this work, and never mentions anything about walking away or dating others.

However, when he doesn't get his way or I've upset him in some way, even if we've discussed the situation beforehand, he'll pull the silent treatment.

Like this weekend, I had to work the entire weekend and wasn't able to see him. I work nights and have to sleep during the day. He wanted to see me during the day after my last shift, and hasn't full grasped that that's when I sleep. It's not a nap, it's my sleep time, and only getting 3 hours after 3 back to back 12's isn't going to cut it.

So I let him know days in advance that it probably wouldn't work this weekend and that I was so sorry. I wanted to make sure we were okay, that he wasn't upset, that we wouldn't have another break in communication. He said it was perfectly understandable since he's NEVER available after 11pm on work nights so that he can get 8 hours of sleep.

He sent me 2 sweet texts this morning, I answered him as soon as I got up, and now nothing. I've called and texted multiple times, and he's ignoring me again. This keeps happening!!

Every time it does, the next day he'll act like he was napping, too busy, "just didn't have any time to reply," etc. But any other day where I didn't upset him, he'll always have time. There's no reason to let 4 unanswered texts and calls go by unless you're pissed, and he ONLY does it after I haven't done what he's wanted.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sure you've noticed this, but communication is vital to a successful relationship. To say you guys are great at communication must also circumscribe the moments when you are angry at the opposing partner. Being able to sit down and calmly work through an argument without usage of physical, emotional, and mental abuse is ideal. Unfortunately, there is not much we can say here that will change your boyfriends method of anger management and problem solving skills. You must go to your boyfriend and confront him of this issue. Make it clear that this issue must be solved, and that he must be more understanding of you. Try to find the moment to sit him down and discuss this with him. Tell him you do not like silence treatments, that it is an ineffective method to solve issues between you to. If he chooses not to listen to you, then you will have to resort to more harsher methods of getting your point through.

    • We have discussed it actually. He's not my boyfriend yet, but he's been saying how bad he wants to be. We just had this problem last weekend, and we had a long discussion about it in which I told him how important it is to me that this silent treatment stop. He told me he wanted my understanding when he's "busy" like he is of me.

      So when he wanted to see me, I let him know long in advance and specifically said so that we could avoid another problem this time. He assured me. Sent me two really sweet texts this morning, and now nothing. I know tomorrow he'll pretend like he was just "busy" and that I'm being demanding of things being on "my time" again. But I know it's manipulation because he's only "busy" for that long when this happens. It's silent treatment without him admitting to it. He makes sure I can't have my way if he can't have his, even though my reasons (sleeping and work) are legitimate!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You said that he tries to flip it around on you, blames you for bringing things up etc. He shouldn't be doing this if he were really perceptive of your feelings.


What Girls Said 1

  • He's being childish. Just tell him that you're not going to keep enduring his immaturity.

    • I've tried, and he somehow always flips it around on me. He says he doesn't get upset when I'm busy and have to stuff to do, but then I always demand things on "my time." Thing is, clearly he does get upset or he wouldn't be pulling the silent treatment at all.

      But he never admits he does it on purpose. He'll say he was very busy, sleeping, etc and had a lot going on and that's why he couldn't answer. But he only does it after something like this happens. So I just don't know what to do/say. I've tried walking and he's otherwise so amazing and attentive. He'll just tell me he can't let me go over a misunderstanding, and that I just need to be more understanding of when he's busy because he's "supposedly" understanding when I am.

      But like I said, he never complains or says he's upset about my being busy, he just pulls the silent treatment.

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    • What's the incentive?

    • Losing you.