How important is money to women?

I am currently unemployed for the first time in 5 years. I got laid off in October and have since moved to a new city with no contacts, and have been trying to get set up in my new location.

I am pretty good looking, smart, funny, few issues, and not an ego maniac. I have been out on about 4 dates since moving here, and have made a friends with benefits. The friends with benefits is what it is, but I am looking for a real connection with someone, and on each of the dates with the other women, when the topic of my employment comes up, it kills it. I can see that it is a big issue!

I make it clear that I have just moved, I have savings to get me through, I am working to get new employment, and that I am skilled and talented at what I do professionally. But still, I can see that it is a loaded question "what do you do for a living?"

Anyway, griping about women being "gold-diggers" is as old as time, and I'm not interested in doing that. But this is real. I can see it plain as day in their faces when I tell them that I am currently unemployed, even if it is clear that I am no loser.

Here's my question: Why, in today's age of birth-control and two income households, is male income a make-it-or-break-it factor in new relationships?


Most Helpful Girl

  • In my opinion anyone can be a gold digger and I will question the motives of why an unemployed man wants to enter a relationship whether he has savings or not. You should be financially stable so I can feel secure that you won't be mooching off of me and long term if we can make financial decisions together or if I will always get the short end of the stick. So its not about what a man an do for me with his money its about if he can support himself and if we end up together in the long wrong how well he can manage money. As a person who has been targeted by a gold digging man, my antennas are so far up that they are in the clouds.

    • Yeah that seems to be what's happening. Just seems unfair because men and women are still being held to different standards as breadwinner. I think their defenses are too tight.

    • I agree its really hard out here for anyone these days and thanks for the MH :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Because being a working person is important and positive. It's a bad sign not to be able to find a job. For anyone- not just men. Not about gold-digging, more about wanting someone who can also contribute to a future together.

    • Why does it have to be a job though? I am an emotionally healthy and supportive man. What more could you ask for in a partner? Why does it have to be about money?

    • because you can't live without money. you need money for -everything-. for a home, food, shelter, clothing, to raise a family. and these days, one person's income doesn't cut it. both people need to agree on what works financially.

What Guys Said 4

  • sadly i think anonymous made a good point

  • Women evolved to view relationships as a way to get resources from men. This isn't because they're greedy. They evolved to get resources out of men to give to their kids. And men also benefit from this, if they are in a relationship with a woman who is only sleeping with him (doesn't matter who he bangs on the side) because the resources benefit his children in that case.

    Her ability to get resources doesn't change this reality.

    And a man who can't get resources, along with being useless as a partner, is also likely to produce children who can't get resources either.

    That's not being a gold digger. That's an input into attraction. Gold diggers are different - they get together with guys they are NOT attracted to in order to get access to his money. Non gold diggers are more likely to hook up with a rich guy even if they don't get money out of it. They are attracted to his genes.

    Intellectually your reason for unemployment makes sense. But that may not filter down to their emotional level. Or, frankly, they just met you, they don't know it's BS. It's like meeting a woman who is 40 lbs overweight who says it just happened this year because her knee was injured and she should be back to normal in a couple months. Yeah, great, call me in a couple months if it happens.

    • If I had a real connection with the woman, I would wait the months with her. It irritates me how superficial people are.

    • Show All
    • When the attraction is only potential attraction that's pretty unlikely.

    • What do you mean by potential attraction?

  • It's not really about the money on it's own, it's about necessity. You need money to live, to maintain a stable lifestyle, to pay the bills and go out and... do shit.

  • Because women are greedy hypocrites who won't admit it, to others, or to themselves.

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