My fiances mom is upset that I am baking the cake and not her?

My fiances mom every year makes him a cake on his bday every year and has us over and other family. This year now that we live together and I have been cooking and baking a lot more I would like to bake it for him and have his family over. His mom got upset that I will be making the cake and not her. I mean in my mind its not thwt crazy its just easier since we live together but she is getting all weird about it saying to him well I am your mom and I gave birth to you and I am your blood she isn't shouldn't I get to make the cake? Each time he reassures her that she is still going to celebrate with him because we are having the family over its just this year I will be making the cake. I mean does she expect that she will always be making the cake even after we are married he is turning 28? What should we so I mean I don't want her over if she is going to be bitter about it the whole time. How do we nicely tell her to get over it and accept it?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay lets be real here, this has nothing to do with a cake. It's jealousy from both sides. You want to make the cake because, y'all live together and you think it is your place. His mom doesn't want to let go of this family tradition she has with her son. His mom is realizing she is losing her son, and I'm sure it difficult for her to deal with this. You need to do all you can to make sure his mother and you have a relationship, she is going to be your mother-in-law and if your relationship with is not good, it will effect your relationship with your boyfriend/husband in the long run. I say compromise is the best in this situation, because you want his mother to like you. Maybe suggest that she bakes the cake, and comes over to yalls place, or you bake the cake the cake and come over to her place. The way you deal with this is very important, you don't want to be in the situation where your mother-in-law hates you, your marriage won't last long. Everything I have said applies if he had a good relationship with his mother before you came into the picture. Either way you don't want to be the reason your boyfriend/husband doesn't have a relationship with his mother, because he will end up hating you. Do the right thing and do what's best for your boyfriend on his birthday, it's about him not you.


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What Guys Said 1

  • its just a cake but I get it. well you and your fiancé can tell her that this one time you will make the cake no matter how bad she wants too. that's it really. just tell her straight.


What Girls Said 1

  • I mean it's her thing. It's what she does every year for her child, why take that from her? Honestly why don't invite her over to help you make the cake? Or let her make it but you make some little cakes as well? Put yourself in her shoes. I mean it may seem like just a cake but now he's older it's probably the only thing she gets to do for him. Since you guys live together you are doing most of what she used to do for him, why take this too? I know it sounds silly but it is what it is.

    • I like the idea of inviting her over to help make the cake I will do that. How long do I have to compromise for though I don't mean that in a whiny way I mean you have to draw the line somewhere like if we have our own plans and his. mother wants something different will we always have to compromise? At what point should my fiancé stand up to his mother? I'm not trying to take anything from her it isn't about that it is about growing up and starting your own life with the person you are spending the rest of your life with. Yes I will call her up today and ask her to bake it with me that sounds like a good compromise

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    • My fiancee called up and suggested the idea of baking the cake together that way we can both do it and bond and she said she should be able to make the whole thing because she gave birth to him and since it is celebrating his birth that she has more of a right to make it than me. My fiancé told her well either we can both bake it together or I am going to do the whole thing because we are trying to compromise and she isn't having it. After the phone fall my fiance said he felt bad that she was acting so selfish and entitled and being unwilling to compromise. Should I just let his mom bake the whole thing

    • I think you should do what you should of really done in the first place which is you talk to her yourself. Tell her you know that making the cake is important to her. You went about it the wrong way and you didn't mean to make her feel pushed out but it's something you would also like to be apart. You'd like to put the immaturity behind you and make the cake to together because you would like to bond with her and don't want to but the man you love in the middle of immature fall out between the two women he loves. That should pretty much do it. If not don't argue about it. Don't say you're making the cake. Just give her sometime to think about it. She may just realise that you have both gone about it the wrong and want to start over.