Ladies: Can you explain yourselves on these two pitfalls of dating?

The "intelligent conversation"and "man who knows what he wants" traps. I can't figure this out and I don't know if I even have the desire to do so anymore. It makes no sense to me. Here are a few examples that occur so frequently that I will use them as supporting evidence to my claims.

"Intelligent conversation". First off I don't claim to be intelligent. How can anyone measure what is considered intelligent? If you base it on articulation and reading lots of books written by a Dr. Smartypants, then that just makes make you a bookworm. What counts as actual intelligence?

Here is where I experience a lot of problems.

Woman: So what do you do?

Me: I'm a student working on a Ph.d. in Anthropology and Political Science. I plan on teaching with my degree. I'm also engineering some microagrarian systems that use existing technology refurbished to improve the human condition based on the United Nations 2008 Human Development Index.

long pause...blank stare...odd silence...

I would think that qualifies as promising in the realm of "intelligent conversation". Think again.

" a man who knows what he wants."

What do I want? I want sense, reason, and logic to dictate in solving global crisis. I am doing my small part to unf*** some of the worst we as a species have done to each other in the names of everything from religion,economics,nationalism, to just plain malice intent.

I have again assumed that this direction is my life's work would qualify me as maybe having some sense of direction or purpose to my existence.

Wrong again. It's again a measure of relevance. If your goal in life is to work at Wal-Mart and have 3 kids, then I guess it makes sense that this is where we part ways. I have no problem with children, it's the opposite. I understand all too well how being raised in poverty can really destroy a child's sense of self worth. I know this because I am the son of proletariats.

Nothing is what it seems and reason does not rule the day.


Most Helpful Guy

  • While I'm not a lady, I can tell you first off that your answer to "what do you do" is too long. Make your answer something simple and that allows for follow up questions to keep the conversation going. For example, just keep "I'm a student working on a Ph.d. in Anthropology and Political Science." If she is interested she will then ask what you plan on doing with your schooling, etc.

    Second, "knowing what you want" is usually more of a guide to how you are going to live your life. For example, within X years you're going to get a promotion or start your own business. You want to have Y number of kids before you are Z years old. Women want measurable goals, not just "solving global problems".


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What Girls Said 1

  • People do not date or mate based on one or two qualities. Frankly though you may feel you are demonstrating your intelligence and focus, you come off sounding self-important, abrasive and demeaning. You may not mean to and may simply be frustrated at the moment, but I don't know who would be attracted to someone who sounds so full of vitriol and contempt. This I can say for sure, people are most attracted to those that show interest in them, not just in trying to fit a list of qualities such as intelligent and driven.

    • So where I am going wrong is not showing interest? Also, if a list of qualities is not important, then why have the themes I have mention become so common as preferred traits? Intelligent conversation is a very big complaint I hear a lot from my female colleagues, but what is intelligent conversation? What am I missing? I'm more frustrated than anything. - j

What Guys Said 2

  • Haha there are a lot of different types of intelligence out there and you did not pick the right kind to show off. I mean no offense meant by this, but think about this question... are you a scientist all the time or does your brain ever think about other stuff?

    • You make a good point here. I don't really think about much stuff outside of what I'm doing. I work lots of long hours doing this so the reast of the outside world is just a blur. I have not been out to a movie in over 2 years, and I couldn't tell you the last time my thoughts were elsewhere.

    • Ha sounds like you're a little bit wound up dude. You may wanna take some time off to themselves. Dating isn't about proving that you have a set of qualities in a checklist that someone compares you two, but just about seeing if the other person's a human being with human feelings you can relate to. Not only do you probably want to let yourself relax and feel some other of those feelings, but it's hard to be committed to a constantly stressed and frustrated person.

  • Any huge and detailed response to "what do you do" is just going to sound practiced, and a practiced answer there gives the impression you're trying to cover up something, especially considering that most of the time "what do you do" can unequivocally be translated as "how much do you earn".

    • Wow, never thought of the it unequivocally. man this just keeps getting better.