At what point does personal preference turn into just being shallow?

I don't consider myself shallow, there are so many things to find attractive and sexy about someone besides looks, but i have been in a situation where I click so well with someone but I just can't be physically attracted to them. So what is shallow and what is just personal preference or your limit?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't force yourself to feel attraction when there's just not any. Attraction is vital for any relationship.
    I'd say personal preference only becomes shallow if you're being unrealistic. Obviously someone can't be completely 100% perfect and one needs to understand that concept. But it's not shallow if you reject someone because you know that deep down you don't find them attractive. There's no way around it. At some point, it will catch up with you. You should date someone who you feel attraction towards otherwise you're just wasting your time and kidding yourself.

    • Yeah I think you are right there. If you are looking for 100% perfection people will be disappointed but you just can't force physical attraction as that will end just a badly

    • Show All
    • Hell yes lol people choose “preferences” then try to use the word to justify excluding other groups of people. None of this preference nonsense existed two or three years ago. The whole concept is like some trendy catchphrase that’s used to mask superficiality, discrimination, and prejudice. But if you just call it ‘preference’ and try to say it eloquently then it’s “okay” because it’s politically correct.

    • Preferences has been around for a very long time. I suggest reading up on love mapping, love chemistry and laws of attraction.

      Fact is, all humans are just more attracted or interested in one thing over another. Whether it's your favorite color, your interest in a certain hobby or your choice in friends. This is basic examples and it's not something that was established a few years ago or a new occurrence.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • At the point where you pridefully, entitledly accept 'personal preference' as a habit. I don't believe in 'personal preference' because I think it encourages foolishness and superficiality. To me, it feels like a thing of prematurity that I acted on when I was too young and unwilling to exercise mental discipline. Back when I couldn't master my feelings. For me, it does not feel like a very adult thing to act on preference. I also think 'personal preference' is a more politically correct term for discrimination and THAT is something I am way too morally concious to succum to.

    So in my opinion, your post is like saying "At what point does smoking crack cocaine become a problem?" uhmmm as soon as you light the pipe.

    • I like your point! I think it is important to grow mentally an shake off any pre conceived notions that only serve to separate us and challenge our own ideas about social idiosyncrasy. Perhaps I could have worded the question better. I wasn't trying to reinforce any ideas of descrimination people might have for a certain group

    • @Asker oh no, you're fine! : ) Your wording doesn't reinforce discrimination but the whole concept of preference does. It's like a mass accepted discrimination for a pridefully shameless group of people who are so focused on themselves that they don't mind if they do something unfair or superficial.

  • When you start thinking you're better than someone because of appearance or when you start basing friendship off appearance.


What Guys Said 4

  • Personal preference is when you got traits you like or not like, but are willing to try if they don't fulfill your criteria. Some constants are okay assuming you practice them yourself.

    Being shallow is when you refuse to date a person unless he perfectly fills a set criteria, that generally does not matter much (hair color and such).

    That's at least how I separate them

    • Good point, it's shallow to only focus on the superficial attributes of someone appearance. But how do you know if your own ideals go too far

    • Ideals are guidelines. You go too far when they're borderline absolutes

  • The fact you say you click well but aren't attracted means you're not shallow.

    Shallow would be pursuing whoever was hot and ignoring whether you click or not.

    • Interesting point! So you can't be shallow if your looking beyond the physical in some way

  • Preference, is like what you usually go for while not limiting your options.

    My preference in halo is using the battle rifle while not just limiting myself to it since the dmr & assault rifle exist

    Shallow is making your preference into a requirement

    You find a girl that you enjoy and connect with but you don't date her because she has small boobs.

    So no you're not shallow.

    • I like the gamers reference! Halo is the nuts lol but yeah I agree

  • It doesn't.

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