Broke up three days ago, told him yesterday to figure himself out, now he's asking for lunch... What to do?

This guy and I met last April, shortly started going on hikes then sleeping together, he suggested we be friends with benefits because he'd had a bad break up but I said I didn't think that would work, day or two later we're snuggling and he asks me to be exclusive with him. Six weeks later school ends and, with me studying abroad over the summer and him the next semester, we separate. Again, the ex made him not want a LDR, though we messaged everyday and skyped constantly. A week between me getting back and him leaving I stayed with him at his parents house. When he got back, I stayed even longer. I've met near all of the family and his friends. He'd cuddle with me in front of anyone, reach for my hand walking with his friends, etc.

Messaging, I casually brought up FB statuses and his reaction was that he didn't want to update it because it would just mean annoying questions. I reminded him most everyone knows and why would you choose to be annoyed? He disappeared for three hours. So not only do you not want people to know about me but you don't care enough to talk to me about it?
He acknowledged he was inconsiderate and then the next night, after hanging out with others for a couple hours, we talked. He said he realized he shouldn't think it'd be annoying but should instead want people to know. Maybe the reason he didn't have that response was because he didn't want to be in a relationship. This was Sunday night.

Yesterday, Tuesday, got a book back from him at lunch and reminded him of how he acted like he likes the act of being in a relationship-- and maybe just doesn't like the title. Pointed out a relationship is basically his two fav things: hanging out and sex. Reminded him of our list of kinky things to try and nerdy shows to watch. Told him to go think for awhile and figure out his head.
Now he just messaged me to have lunch tomorrow. As friends. I guess this means that he thinks he's figured himself out. But I... (continued below)

... don't know if this was enough time-- we've had lunch together every T/Th since school restarted. One day of no communication after months of constant isn't much. I want him to REALLY think and to be away from me long enough to miss me if he's going to miss me. But then after studying abroad we're used to not seeing each other which might complicate the traditional waiting game. Tho if he's already trying to hang out again after me *just* telling him relationship= hanging out+ sex...


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What Guys Said 2

  • I think your initial take is correct: he needs some time away from you to find out how he really feels about you. I also feel strongly that he needs to do whatever he needs to do to get past the ex and all that baggage. He's hiding behind it so if he needs a little therapy, he should go get it before he puts you through all this again. If he can convince you he's ready to stop the damn games and get with the program, then maybe he's worth another shot.

  • Nah, wait a bare minimum of a week- two or three is better, that way you get over your feelings and will begin to see what happened and each other for what who/they really are.

    • If I were to wait... would you say ignore his request or tell him I'm busy?
      Though I'd like to point out that I *would* prefer to get back with him. I'm not broken up about it or anything, being used to being apart and all, but I'd rather play with all of the fun stuff he and I just bought and watch Star Trek than dive full throttle into books and school. Just saying. And so I'm trying to approach this in terms of best way to make that happen.

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    • I'm thinking of saying:
      "Sorry, I have some papers I need to drop off at lunch. Maybe next time.
      I was kind of wanting you to take some more time to think anyways. After all, I just told you I think a relationship basically boils down to hanging out plus sex and if you are already wanting to hang out like it’s just another T/Th…"
      Though I'm scared that with us being so used to being apart, more time will just lead to more distance whereas hanging out like normal could make him think we're the same as always. Why are we not together again?

    • I feel like it's kinda more than just hanging out and sex, but then again it's your thing not mine. Good luck either way.

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