What do you say when asked this?

What do you say when on a dating site/app or someone texts you for the first time, or in-person and they ask "How are you?"
Is this really supposed to be an effective conversation starter? How would you react to someone saying "I'm good" or "Honestly, I'm shit"? If they actually formulate a response that mentions stuff they are doing or thinking about, is that ideal for progressing a conversation? Or is it too much information and you actually wanted a totally generic response?

I don't know what people want from me.
Is this weird to anyone else? Or am I an aspie?

  • I know them feels bro.
    Vote A
  • You have Assburger's syndrome.
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • When people ask me that I just say "Good you?" or "I'm okay/fine you?" I don't really say much unless I'm in one of those moods where I want to rant and talk a lot of if I'm interested in the person. I just see that message a lot so I don't really like getting the "How are you?" message like every time I open my inbox. It's different in person I'm really shy so when people ask how am I doing I just say "Okay" and that's it. Cause I get to shy to say how about you since I don't really like conversating with strangers. I have social anxiety so my mind goes blank.

    • It seems like the easy response but it doesn't go anywhere. It's like...

      "How are you?"
      "I'm good, you?"

      .. and then just nothing. What's the followup to that interaction?

      Tell me about it. I have SA too, so I know about going blank in-person or on the phone. I usually do the same thing as you. T^T

      I want to talk to strangers and be chatty, but I also *don't* want to talk to strangers and be chatty. I just keep my mouth shut. It's exhausting and scary.

    • I usually say "that's good :)" and then I'll probably say "so what are you up too?" or something like that. Then that's how the conversation usually starts.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • I hate generic messages. I don't respond because they obviously haven't taken the time to formulate a thought message.

    • thoughtful*

    • ikr. I usually personalize early messages by making jokes/referencing something specific to them, it takes time and effort. I see women especially will ask for the effort to be put in to a first message and ask that people be capable of holding a convo. But when they initiate it's a generic "How are you?" "Hello" or just "Hi" kind of thing.

      Apparently then I'm expected to carry the conversation from there. Do they expect me to carry the conversation because I'm the guy? Is that a thing?

    • I don't message anyone with a generic message. I only message someone whose profile really evoked something in me and I have something I relate to so I explain why I felt the need to write to them.

  • You are either not used to American way of starting conversations (small talk) or have bad social skills. If someone asks "how are you?" it's best to say "i'm good. how about you?" and move on with your conversation. I am from Europe and it took some time to become comfortable with it. Saying "i'm doing bad" and starting a long monologue about why you are doing bad is considered rude.

    • I know, people do it in Australia too. It just seems annoying and ridiculous to have a social script that asks questions with predefined answers. When I play along it goes nowhere, when I change it up it goes nowhere. Seems like the conventional response is boring and generic, yet the personal response is too much, like they are freaked out and drop the conversation because I went off-script.

  • To be honest what I learnt from life is I do not tell how really I am; if i feel they do not understand me.

    Also saying I am good ( even you feel like a shit! ) will make you feel better , trust me :) Happiness and positiveness are healing.


What Guys Said 4

  • i always respond... none of your business :-P

  • if anyone ask you how are you.. you can answer him nicely fine or okay if you want him (if you feel okay with him) ..
    and if you feel bad or you don't like him you can answer him okay and don't give him interest.. you can leave him without asking permission.
    the answer depends on you , your personality , and your feeling.

  • Sheesh that's better than being asked for a picture of my face all the time. -__-

    • M̶a̶y̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶f̶a̶c̶e̶?̶ :P
      But I get how that plays out. "How are you?" on the other hand is this very common, entirely open-ended and vague question that isn't even genuine all the time. It's crazy.

    • Show All
    • You don't have a colon and a three on your keyboard? :D

    • What the heck are you talking about? XD

  • Your not aLoN3... O__o

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