Be yourself but don't be yourself. What?

As a guy who has trouble getting dates, I'm often advised by other girls to just be myself. I try that and "myself" is not someone rude, obnoxious, and unkempt. I'm often told I'm nice and was even described as cute a couple of times. But then I get advised women are looking for someone who is nearly the complete opposite of me. And follow that up with women who complain that so many guys lie and are never what they first seem. So which is it? If I be myself, nothing happens. If I be someone else, doesn't that make me a fraud, and not really what I first seem? I'm rather confused by this. I don't mind changing at all, it's just the change is only cosmetic, and women seem to want sincerity. What do you do other guys? I see a lot of guys just lie and hope they're forgiven later, and often are. I don't want to have to do that. Lying, deceit of any kind, makes me feel ill.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like you're dating the wrong kind of women, or you're seeking the wrong kind of women. What they want is for you to be genuine and honest, but to tone down the parts they would need time to get used to. Don't judge a book by it's cover. I know everyone says that all the time, because it's true! Get to know a woman who is less attractive on the outside and see where it goes. You might find something special. Try seeking a woman from among followers of a common interest/hobby. You stand a much higher chance of compatibility that way. And every woman has friends. If she doesn't work, out, don't write off the possibility of networking through a potential friendship.

    • Thank you so much for your answer. I often get the advice of common interests, but if my interest is finding someone to love, it sort of creates a conundrum right? I do like video games and animation but most women can't stand that. The only other respectable interest I have is Japanese language and culture. You'd think I might be able to meet a Japanese girl or someone who's into that, but, so far, no. Also, I don't mind unattractive as long as they're nice. That makes them attractive. As long as they can fit through a door, otherwise we can't go out to dinner. Thanks again.

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    • Oh god, there MUST be! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you :)

    • Thank you!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Be yourself and enhance yourself with syle and charisma. ;)

    Don't lie, liars are losers and any decent self respecting female will dump a guy who is a liar.

    • Thanks for the feedback. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to spend more time dressing myself in nicer clothes, though they tend to be less comfy.

What Guys Said 1

  • You just haven't found a girl that likes you for who you are, it takes time but eventually you'll find her.
    Always be yourself when you're looking for a relationship, because you can't be lying to yourself for years.

    • Well, it may take time, but I've been looking for 25 years. If it doesn't happen soon, it's not going to. Thanks for the feedback.