Would it be weird to message her ex about us?

Been dating a girl for a bit (4 months), she told me recently, she's good friends with her ex because they ended things peacefully.

Some people jump to conclusions and assume the worst, im however positive and try not to jump to conclusions or assume the worst

Anyway my question is: i dont think my girl has mentioned to him, that we're dating. I trust this girl, i honestly do. she hasn't given me any reason to doubt her. honestly, i just think the topic of me ever came up in their conversation.

would it be weird/controlling/whatever to casually message him on Facebook and say something like

"Hey buddy how's it going? Listen buddy I have no problem with you and __ being just friends. Just wanted to let you know she's been seeing me now for the past 4 months. Again no hard feelings, just letting you know"

My personal POV is that if I truly was commited to someone, i'd have no problem if I found out my ex was messaged by my partner. After all, whats there to hide?

Or could it be seen as controlling? (even if the girl is committed to me)


  • Yes
    Vote A
  • Nope
    Vote B
  • other (post what)
    Vote C
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We are both 20 years old by the way. not sure if that changes anyone's opinion


Most Helpful Girl

  • " She hasn't given you a reason to doubt her", you say - she has not told her ex who she is friends with still , that she has a bf of 4 months , that is a reason for doubt. Personally i would be asking why that is. If the " topic " of you hasn't come up in all of this time i would be questioning the reason behind that too.

    Don't message her ex, it does come across as controlling, and a little immature. The person you need to talk to is your gf, to ask why you are a secret from her ex. I would be extremely concerned if a bf of 4 months didn't mention me to his ex when he was still friends with her.

    When girls are in a relationship , they usually love talking about their bf to their friends.

    • Well I dont know if I am a secret to her ex honestly.

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    • her female friend commented her instagram photo "Damn girl I would tap that, Kevin doesn't need to know" (my name isint kevin, and I've never met her friends by the way. Kevin is her ex)

      Based on that comment, it's safe to assume he still likes her correct?

    • You should ask your gf friend about it! It seems very strange. To put your mind at rest you sholud be open about how you feel about the whole situation. It is very suspicious her friend said that.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • eh if he does have feelings for her and she is hanging out with him and you did that he could turn it around to say that you are possessive or controlling. To be honest that sort of is bordering on possessive. It might be a better idea to have a profile pic of you and the girl. Then if you had any reason to message him or to hang out with you and the girl. or mention to your girl that you want you and her and some friends on each side to hang out and suggest she offer her ex to come.

    • yeah i'm tryna not cross that thin line of possessiveness.

      another idea i had, would be to comment her instagram photo (her ex would eventually see the comment) with obvious flirtation which gives off the "shes mine" vibe so to speak.

      like "Babe you look beautiful here :)" or a bit more riskier "Babe you look beautiful here :) so lucky to have you"


    • Show All
    • To be honest, i dont have any pictures of her lol. like i said my second plan was to comment one of HER recent photos with a compliment that clearly shows me and her are together.

      but what do you think about the parent thing?

    • Yeah I don't really think she is cheating. She probably didn't mention it because it would be awkward to be like to her ex yeah I'm going out with so and so.

What Guys Said 2

  • Don't reach out to contact him. It's unnecessary. If somehow you see him in real life, then whatever.

    But asking for his blessing is just odd. He's not her father.

  • How close is she to her ex? Before i can give you honest opinion. Do they hang out? Text? How long did they date?

    I'm sure she must of told him if they are remotely still close to each other.

    • Not sure to any of that, and ill admit part of the reason i'm thinking about doing this, is to eliminate ALL doubt of possible cheating.

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    • Well he lives quite a bit of distance away so i'd never see him, Facebook is my only option. any suggestions about a message that wouldn't upset my girl?

    • Well it dosn't matter what you say to him you could be super nice but he would still tell her you contacted him. Just be really carful about what you say. If I were you I would just trust in your girlfriend and not message him unless you really think it's a problem.