Should I message her ex and find out whats going on?

Here's the deal,

I've been "seeing" this girl (i'm 20, she's 18 by the way, and i will nick name her J) for the past 4 months (October-Now). She has an ex who she said she remained good friends with. No problem honestly. What IS a problem is these points (in chronological order)

-2nd time i ever hung with her, i asked her how her jr prom was. she said "yeah my boyfriends prom was pretty good". i didn't correct her or think much of it. just kinda weird she didn't say "ex"

-on Facebook her female friend commented her photo and said "damn girl lemme tap that ass, (ex) doesn't need to know" and J (girl im dating) flirted back with her female friend

-this caused immediate suspicion, so i confronted her on who (ex) is and she told me (ex) is her ex boyfriend and they remained good friends

-i decided to check out (ex)'s Facebook. His relationship is still listed as "in a relationship" (since the time they started dating back then too)

-Additionally I noticed, on his time line, mid November he posted a "Life Event" which was "Met J"

Now this is weird, why would J's female friend jokingly try to make (ex) jealous? after all, it says he's in a relationship on FB. So either he's dating a new girl, but still has feelings for J, or they're still dating?

Here's what makes me think they're not dating
-A month ago, J told me she told her parents about me. a couple days ago i clarified by asking "they know we're dating right?" and she said yeah.
-before J met me, she hooked up with another guy (and obviously they didn't work out)

Anyway I was thinking about messaging (ex), and this would tell me what's going on completely. something like

"Hey buddy how's it going? Listen buddy I have no problem with you and J being just friends. Just wanted to let you know she's been seeing me now for the past 4 months. Again no hard feelings, just letting you know"

Thoughts on if she's a cheater, or if my message is a good idea?

  • Message him
    Vote A
  • dont message him
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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Another point that makes me suspicious:

while grounded, a couple days later she told me she went out to a birthday dinner for her friend. then said she might sleep over. i said "uh your parents would let you despite being grounded?" and she said "yeah my parents know her parents"

she told me in the past, her ex's parents liked and knew J's parents


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Ex isn't her ex...

    • maybe :/

    • Show All
    • She called him her boyfriend. Her friends talk about him as if he's her boyfriend. He still has her thing on his Facebook and didn't even meet her that long ago only a couple months... how do you go from meeting somebody, dating, getting with them, breaking up, becoming friends... in the space of 3 months, because November was only a couple months ago.

      At 18, cops or not, most are allowed out to socialise. You don't know she's told her parents anything, she just said that. If her parents are that strict, she won't be able to tell them the boyfriend story and breaking up with him so soon after meeting, then suddenly with another guy... strict parents who don't let their kids out ain't gonna be allowing that shit.

      All of it just sounds like... Not right... Literally no part of your story about her sounds normal.

    • I agree and I'd just like to comment. Again I thought it was a minor slip up and I didn't correct it when she said "yeah my boyfriend's prom was good" (Keep on mind we were hanging out and obviously kissing and cuddling)

      About her friends, the way I saw it was if she was telling the truth, maybe they are broken up but the ex still has feelings and that's why her friend teased the ex.

      Also I met from 3-4 months ago. Her boyfriend and her met almost 10 months ago. Seems I didn't specify clearly

      But yeah thank you for your time

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