Why is my ex-girlfriend even bothering? What is she really after?

Ok so I dated my ex-girlfriend for about 3 years. She broke up with my at the end of February of 2014 because she said I was neglectful and didn't treat her as well as she wanted. She resented me for it. I was always loving of her, I just didn't show it enough. I realized I wasn't doing things for her and with her the way most couples did. The truth is, she was right. It was my first real relationship with anyone and we were long distance for a bit of time (with school), I was just inexperienced. After we broke up I Was destroyed. She kept calling me and seeing me nearly everyday and since I Wanted her back I was ok with it. When we were hanging out, I made sure to show her things would be different between us. This went on for about 6-7 months. Until she started dating another guy. I could not handle that at all and did so poorly. I got really clingy and jealous (two things I never was before, she knows that). This turned her off to me completely and after a big fight (about the guy she was talking to) she told me she didn't see me the same way anymore and that I had become clingy etc. After a week she started calling because she missed me, but only as a friend she said. We kept talking for a little bit, but I couldn't handle her seeing another guy. She has always been mine and I love her too much. I made it clear that I loved her and wanted to be with her and I told her to give me a call if things didn't work out between her and the other guy, and if she was interested in giving me a real chance, but that I couldn't settle for friendship. A month later she started calling me out of the blue and we make small talk for like 30 minutes or so. Then the other day, she said she wanted to meet for coffee but she doesn't want me thinking we're talking again. I said she knows what I want, that my clinginess is gone and over with, and that I want her to have fun with me again. I said its up to her.

  • She misses me, and is open to the idea of more!
    Vote A
  • She only wants me as a friend
    Vote B
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And why would she say she doesn't want me to think we're "talking again", when we already talk/text a couple of times a week now anyway? Most of the time it is her initiating too now. And I've found out through a friend, she IS still hanging out with that guy she was originally talking to when we had our fight. So what on earth does she want from me? Why reach out to me if she is seeing him still? I love her but am just so damn confused by her
I did manage to ask if she has been seeing anyone and she flat out told me no and that she has just been hanging out with friends... so why lie about it too then if she doesn't see me in that way?


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What Girls Said 2

  • If I were you I would not go back with her she is just using you because she doesn't have anyone right now, but I bet if another guy comes in her life she is going to leave you. You need to move on and find someone who will not treat you like that you deserve better k. I know it hurts because you love her but if she really cared she would not treat you like that. You don't want to be second best.

    • Thats what I thought, but she IS seeing someone right now so she's not alone. She is hanging out with the same guy that she was hanging out with when we had our fight and I told her that I couldn't do this anymore. I told her to call me if things didn't work out between them, and yet she called me anyway after about a month or so with no contact. Thats what's so confusing I can't figure out what she really wants here...

  • I understand your confusion, I would be too! She seems to be playing games with your heart. She knows that you want her and she is using it to her power. You have to tell her you have moved on and also throw in that you might be interested in someone else ( this is going to be hard, I know, but you have to do it).

    If you dont want to do that, for whatever reason, then you have to initiate no contact for 30 days! Seriously, do not return her txts or calls or ask her anything at all, for 30 days. This will give you the time and clarity you need right now, to heal and figure out what exactly it is that YOU want, never mind what she wants! After 30 days, you can slowly start answering her again, or you never know, by this point you might not even care the way you do now, you will be starting the healing process.

    I hope that helps :)... you sound like a great guy with a good head on your shoulders... you will meet someone better for you.

    • The thing is I've already done the no-contact thing for 30 days. Actually when I told her that I couldn't settle for just friendship and to call me if things didn't work out for her, after that we had no contact for a little over a month until she started calling me again. And now I let her initiate, so after a few days, she will text me or call me everytime for the last few weeks. When I found out she was still seeing the other guy I thought she was just using me for friendship again. But I've made it clear I won't settle for that multiple times so she has to know by now. I feel like she is keeping the door open for us, but I'm confused about what to do. If I just straight up ignore her, I know I'll end up regretting it.

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