I know they say don't look for love, it will come. But you also think, if I don't look then I won't be open to it and find. And then there is this grey area where you kind of try to balance it but inevitable end up in semi-relationships. I notice that the people who are out and about, not really worried about meeting someone.. actually find someone and settle down in stable relationships before the ones who are actually actively out and about, hoping to meet someone. How come this happens? Surely the chance of meeting someone would be more likely for the latter right? They are after all open to it and putting themselves in a position to find love?
And I don't mean the whole new age stuff where its about people being desperate etc. I mean regular people... your friends, my friends. I notice it a lot, the less people seem to care about finding love.. the more they find it. Then I also have friends who don't care or expect it and never do seem to find the right partner. Its all so strange and makes me wonder how come some have it so easily and others don't.
In case you wonder where I fit on this spectrum; I have always been slightly aloof, attracted aloof guys and never really opened up enough. I fall somewhere in between and also get something in between. I know guys fell in love with me more easily when I was younger, I guess because I didn't care at all at the time. Now I do care and have not met anyone worthwhile in 2 years. But I am not bitter, I'm too critical of myself for that. I am not even critical of myself anymore. It will happen if it has to.. and I just am...
Most Helpful Guy
I was one of those who never sought it and found it. Here's the deal and how it works. First of all the whole social recluse business is no good. Just because a person attends a singles club to find someone doesn't make them outgoing, or friendly, or even approachable. What they want may be more visible, but that is about it.
Next, chatting to people 'normally' creates an interaction of no expectations. You aren't looking for, or expecting to get, anything from the other person. It is this selflessness, this purity of soul - so to speak - that is one of the most key ingredients to love.
You meet someone. You talk with them. You become genuinely interested in them. You are not "out to get something" and appear transparent and real for them. They can trust that on some instictive level.
And so, it works as you say. As long as the person isn't on the internet 24/7 or living in a cave, then normal interactions with social skills will lead to happy matchups.
I'm not saying the whole single & searching style doesn't work for everyone, but there is an expectation there for it to lead to something or gtfo. It puts an onus on the friendship that prevents it from budding into a healthy relationship.
Just my 2c. I could be wrong. :)0
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