Why do I want my "ex" to know I'm dating someone and moved on?

The reason ex is in quotes is because we never really dated. Well we went on one date. I had unrequited attraction to her. It's a long story, but the best summary is that she broke my heart three times during the course of our friendship, led me on a bunch, came back a few times when I tried to end our friendship to move on, and she ask to be with me, then end it a week later. Anyway, during my time with my ex friend, I met a girl. I stopped our friendship with my friend Mar '14. Complications arose and Nov 14, I had contact with my friend, first time in almost a year. I felt like I finally got closure. We exchanged about 200 gigantic messages talking about everything. She's dating someone (which I knew) even though she constantly told me she doesn't date, etc. It was a long conversation. I felt like I finally got closure.

Since then, I started dating this girl I met during that time. we've been dating for a while now And she is... Perfect. Like... Absolutely mind blowingly perfect. She shared my and her first kiss this Valentine's Day and I couldn't ask for anybody better. Like, she is infinitely better than my friend in every aspect possible. I've absolutely fallen for her and I wouldn't trade her for anybody.

So why is it that I want my ex friend of know I'm so happy with my girlfriend? Compared to my girlfriend, my ex isn't even that appealing. Expecially since we got closure. I'm new to the whole dating thing and I don't know why I feel this way. It's like. I couldn't be happier with my girlfriend right now, but I want my ex friend to know somehow I am so happy. Even when I feel as if I've moved on from her. She doesn't even see that appealing anymore to me, with time and new knowledge. Is this a common attitude with this type of stuff? How do I get rid of it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The way I see it, she was someone you were very close to for years. It's natural to want people that are/were close to you to know how you feel; especially if, as it sounds, you didn't have some blowout argument that caused your friendship to completely cave in.

    How often do you speak to her? Or rather, when was the last time you spoke to her? I don't personally see any harm in just dropping her a message and letting her know how happy you are; it's as though there's one last little bit of closure that needs... closing, for yourself.

    Feels quite bad for me reading this though. If you reverse the roles, I did this to my "ex-friend"; but I still haven't given her closure or told her exactly why, straight up, I couldn't be with her. I have my own personal reasons and they're ones that I still probably wouldn't be able to admit to because it's a source of hidden anxiety that nobody knows about me. I feel horrible for hurting her, haven't spoken since September and part of me wants to talk to her about everything and the other part wants to never approach her again so she can forget about me once and for all. I too though am now (almost - long distance) with someone that seems perfect to me, and I'm happy. Hope my ex-friend is too.

    • Sorry to hear that about you and your friend too. It sucks.

      But I only knew her for like a year. Mid '13 to about early' 14. But from March 14 to November 14, I had zero contact. Nothing. But then I messaged her in Nov 14 (it was a big misunderstanding. I would have never contacted her otherwise) and since I got closure from that obnoxiously long text conversation, I haven't heard from her since. I wouldn't want to like contact her again. She wants to be friends again, and I don't want that frankly. Plus when I got my closure in Nov, I pretty much said everything I was holding on to since we ended our friendship in Mar 13. So I don't think there is any more closure to obtain. It's weird because there's just a small part of me that wants her to know I'm moved on. I'm dating the girl of my dreams now, and all that. And it's a weird yet shitty feeling. And I wish I could get rid of it without actually *doing* that.

      Damn, sorry about you situation too. <3

    • Yeah I understand.

      I kind of want to remain friends with the girl I knew too. I didn't want to let her out of my life because I did feel so close to her... we had exactly the same interests and humour, constantly talked, but I just couldn't love her in the way that she wanted me to, or the way that she loved me. Moving on is for the best, but I still think about her all the time and how I could've done things differently. I led her on because I didn't want to let her go, and she wasn't strong enough to confront me properly.

      I paid for it in my own way I guess - I felt guilty getting into relationships because not wanting to hurt her was at the back of my mind all the time, so I didn't get anywhere with people I really did like because of it.

      Hopefully she's now as happy as I am. May speak in future, but if not, I'll be happy for her as long as she's carrying on doing well. :)

    • Glad you found someone else too. :)

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  • You do nothing.. Leave it to god as god makes no mistake.