I really need to understand the psychology behind this. I'm not going to criticize your behavior, but instead try to understand it. What's your motive/goal behind being controlling in YOUR opinion (not google's opinion)
What is it that you want to accomplish? Even if you know it's wrong
When I say controlling. possessive, I mean:
-getting mad if she doesn't hang out with you for one day
-criticizing her lifestyle or trying to get her to change a certain behavior you don't agree with
-forcing her to end certain friendships
-getting mad when she's late or cancels plans
-the need to always be RIGHT
-giving her the silent treatment
Most Helpful Guy
I can't explain all of your examples, but I'll give my take on a few of them:
"-criticizing her lifestyle or trying to get her to change a certain behavior you don't agree with"
Some people are bigoted and take anything they wouldn't personally do as an insult. For myself though, the things I criticize are things that I think she's doing that are harmful to herself. I don't like seeing the people I care about struggle needlessly, and when they do it to themselves it gets under my skin.
"-getting mad when she's late or cancels plans"
I don't get mad at single incidents of this unless it's something important that I put a lot of effort into organizing, but I get over that pretty quickly. More often, it's when someone is late on a regular basis. If she repeatedly runs late and blows me off, she's sending a message that she doesn't value my time or attention. It's insulting and disrespectful, and that can build long term resentment.
"-the need to always be RIGHT"
That's a people thing. Women do it at least as often as men, probably more.
"-giving her the silent treatment"
Conflict avoidance and stubborness. I don't like arguing, I feel like pushing the issue would cause more issues, and when I feel offended I clam up. I withdraw with the expectation that she'll take the hint and apologize for whatever caused it.3