My boyfriend is not a virgin and it bothers me?

We're madly in love with each other and we couldn't be happier. We want to spend our lives together and when he says he loves me, I can tell it's real. However, I found out recently that he had 5 sex partners before me... I'm still a virgin. I felt shattered, this silly fact breaks me and I don't know why. I told him I won't hold his past against him and that I won't think about it but really, the thought EATS me and I just wanna get over it. Please help?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're going to be upset that any guy you're with has been with other girls, you won't have too many dating options left. And I'm not sure you'll be too excited about the ones who DO pass this test. So you're best off just accepting that he has a past and leave it at that.


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What Guys Said 3

  • There is no easy way to get over it.
    You just have to accept the fact that he has a past.

    What matters is that he's with you now.

  • If you're madly in love, you wouldn't be bothered and you wouldn't ask this question. Therefore, you are not madly in love.

    • Dumb reasoning.

    • You are so young and inexperienced and fail to understand logic. For example, you say "we couldn't be happier" yet you ask a question because you are "bothered" (as in "not completely happy").

      You have to accept his past, that's all there is too it. You can look at it like this: if he didn't have those experiences with those other women, then his path through life would have been different and, likely, he wouldn't have been your boyfriend. Put another way, the fact that he was with those women made it possible to him to be yours. It sounds crazy, but that is reality and is the kind of thinking that will get you through lots of unpleasant thoughts in life.

    • As an example, I had a friend who was in a crisis. I liked this girl and might have been a couple with her. In 1996 or 1997, she tried to call me (this was when few had cell phones). I missed getting the call BY ONE RING of her asking to stay with me. Instead, she stayed with another friend in Washington. She still lives there and has 3 sons now. If I got to that call 1 ring earlier, I might have married her, but thise kids would not have been born.

      Another example: both of my grandmothers were young widows when they married my grandfathers. For me and my aunts and uncles and cousins to live, two men had to first die and my grandmothers go through tremendous heartache.

      So accept the unpleasant past of you or others because, without it, you wouldn't have a pleasant present such as "being madly in love" with your boyfriend.

  • Well first why does it bother you so much or rather why do you think it does.

    • Cuz most like, y he will be my first and I've always want mine first to be mutual it's only fair...

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    • I don't want to tortune him with his sexual history. He understands he says he wishes he coukd take all that back but I already tell him I won't think about it anymore. And he's my boyfriend for 8 months now before I finally ask about his past and yes he has waited a good amount of time and I'm starting to get ready but you know this fact eats me...

    • That's understandable.

What Girls Said 1

  • You have two options.. Accept it, or break up and move on. He shouldn't be made to feel regret because it bothers you. Its your problem, not his. He agreed to lose it already and you need to respect him too, not just your wishes. Sorry..

    • What are you going to do should you both have sex then things dont work out and then you meet a new guy who is a virgin and he feels this way about you? You would want him to not judge you and accept it.