Guys: Would you date a girl who self-harms?

I've struggled with this for years. I don't go around telling people about it BUT I like this guy and he likes me back. Recently he noticed one of my cuts. Would this be a deal breaker for you? Why? Please explain.

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If it were a past thing I wouldn't be disuaded. However, if it were a currently active issue, and I really loved the girl in any capacity, I think getting into a romantic relationship with her would be the least of my concerns so long as she was in danger.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • I chose B , but in all honesty it would depend on the reason why you choose to inflict self harm on your self. If it is a side effect of some sort of depression then I could deal with that. But it's something that you do for fun or that you enjoy then it would with out a doubt be a deal breaker

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  • Probably not.

    Besides, I kinda fail to see the point of harming oneself. I mean, if someone wanted to commit a suicide and failed (got saved by someone or something like this) that's one thing. Different shit happens.

    But the point of just cutting yourself non-lethally for heck knows what sake skips me. Especially if someone's doing that "for years". I'd understand a person that tried to commit a suicide once, but there was clearly no desire for suicide if it went "for years", so what it tells me is that person surely has a few screws loose.

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  • No, in my experiences these girls usually have serious issues other than cutting themselves. I have yet to see someone like this actually have a stable relationship, and trust me when I say I know many.

    Honestly, if someone thinks that cutting themselves up with a knife or burning themselves is an acceptable way to show how they feel they've got some serious problems anyway. I'm not a mental health professional so I can't help them with that.

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  • They need to solve their own problem first. And I have no idea how to talk to people who do that, I just stay silent when they bring it up (and for some reason it's been brought up a lot).

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  • How can you deal with another's problems in a healthy way if you can't even deal with your own in a healthy way?

    I would not.

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  • Thing of the past, not too concerning. More sad than anything.

    Thing of the current = seek help and communicate or I walk. That's drama on a whole 'nother level that needs to be dealt with.

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    • I totally agree. People who don't seek help want to stay that way forever.

    • I don't think it's that, they just have no idea how to even start getting better.

      No one WANTS to be unhappy, but many people don't know how to effectively get out of that rut. It's hard.

    • True, true.

  • If she was currently doing it, than I wouldn't. She definitely wouldn't be in the mental state to start a relationship at that point

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  • if you did it in the past and not anymore... no prob

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  • Not a dealbreaker but would try to find out why and if she was getting help.

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  • Just my personal opinion. I would never be able to get comfortable or let my gaurd down around this type of person due to the instability. And if someone would hurt there self its easy to imagine them hurting me. Sorry if I offended u

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    • Haha, no it's fine. I can understand that. Thanks for your input!

  • Total deal breaker.

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  • Your b poll choices are confusing. I chose "yes" as in I would date you.

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    • I don't see how but I'll explain. Yes as in you WOULD date a girl who self-harms/me, no you WOULD NOT date a girl who self-harms/me. Hope I clarified a little.

    • Yeah, I got confused by the last sentence of yours where you ask if it's a deal breaker.

    • Haha sorry :)

  • Only if she would seek help about it..

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  • Absolutely not

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  • Did it once, never again

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  • I probably would.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Many guys are not going to want to date you because the fact that you 'self-harm' a. k. a. MUTILATE YOURSELF when you get upset screams DRAMA!!! It makes you look like you are going to ultimately be a toxic presence because you are not resourceful enough to resolve your problems in a healthy, positive, progressive way. No offense girl, but that's ANNOYING. Especially if you're dealing with someone who's positive and wants to live a fun, joyful, carefree life. It's not fair for you to create a reason for him to be stressed or worried because you can't get it together and take responsibility for your issues in a way that doesn't involve mutilating yourself. Cutting is not okay. It's a nasty, ugly habit that is ALWAYS going to set you back instead of push you forward.
    If the desire for control and pain is what you feel then start working out and lifting weights instead of making yourself bleed every time you get upset.

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    • Show All
    • “People like me”? You don’t even know me well enough to know what kind of person I am. Like I said earlier, you’re just being defensive and butthurt because you seemingly can’t handle being told the true reason behind why guys prefer not to get involved with cutters who tend to be dramatic and overly emotional as you have expressed on my post. You’re behavior is ridiculous. You act like a child on top of being a dramatic, overly emotional cutter: No guy wants to deal with that mess. Accept that truth instead of lashing out at me as if it’s going to change it.

    • I don’t have to sit here and deal with your whiny, insensible drama.

  • My boyfriend says he still loves me and wants me to never do it again and I haven't for a while he says he loves me to much for that to stop but he says it hurts him so if I do it again he will to , so for him it's about love

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    • It should be about love.

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