How to get him to commit? Or does he even care?

so I have been dating this guy for 2 months. He go out a lot. He pays for everything (I offer too) he bought me chocolates and a teddy bear for vday. Asks me to spend the night even if we don't have sex. Just to cuddle.

Everything seemed to be going great. We talk for hours. It's prefect. Then he told me he got a phone call on Sunday. He went to Puerto Rico (where he is from) 4 months ago (before we met) and had sex with an old girlfriend that now turns out to be pregnant.

That changed everything. I hadn't brought up the "what are we talk " because I trusted him. Knew I was the only one he was dating. And just didn't want to put that pressure on something that was going so great.

But when he told me about the baby. I freaked out. Asked him what he wanted with him. What were his plans. Etc. That I didn't want to get hurt because I was having feelings for him and I also didn't want to waste my time. i don't know what happened to me. He clearly told me he didn't know what he wanted. But he cared about me.

I apologized the next day for overreacting and he was being distant. He said I was right the only one that will end up getting hurt is me and he didn't want to keep me waiting for a future he was unsure about, that I have been super sweet to him and it would just be unfair.

I told him to just put that whole situation aside and to let time tell but I just needed him to be honest with me.

I haven't brought up the subject again. But I have noticed him distant a little. I'm thinking about just cutting off sex and all of that and treating him just like a friend since we aren't official or anything. I'm starting to really fall for this guy and everything was going great and now I feel like I needed it up because I freaked out about the baby. But it's mostly because all of his answers were "I don't know"


Most Helpful Guy

  • How do I get my girlfriend to fuck me? That's essentially what you're asking. It's the same concept, just reversed gender-wise.

    So. What determines whether or not you'll fuck a guy? Or, better yet, what determines you *not* wanting to fuck a guy? Then think about it from his perspective with your answers to those questions, then apply them to committing, instead of fucking.

    Some research into human sexuality wouldn't hurt, either.

    Just a heads up. See what happens when you cut a guy off from sex and he's already not wanting to commit to you. If he has options, he'll be out the muthafuckin' do' sooner than you can say, "jk, you can fuck me".

    • How is this supopose to help? What I look for in a guy I want to fuck is what u guys look for in a girl u want a relationship with?

    • I was exhausted last night, so that didn't come out right. It's the same concept, and basically I was trying to say you can't force someone to want to fuck you or commit to you.

      My opinion is *don't* cut off sex if you want to keep him around, because that'll be more likely to maintain his interest. But, he's going to have a baby. That might change things to the point where he feels like he has to leave you for his baby mama. It's just a wait and see, in my opinion.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If you really care about him why would you stop showing affection for him? He might be acting distant because he needs to sort things out himself. He clearly cares about you but he also can't just ignore his own child. If you start acting distant to him as well he'll just completely cut off the relationship with you thinking it's for the best and that you don't want him anymore.

    • Maybe because I feel rejected. I told him I was having feelings for him and he told me he couldn't promise me a future. I know he needs to figure everything out but now I feel bad for bringing up my feelings and telling him I don't want to waste my time. I thought maybe by just being his friend he would decide if he wants to be with me or not.

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    • Just let him know you really like him and you understand he's going through a lot and that you're there for him and want to be with him. Just hearing that will make him feel comforted and he'll know you do like him.

    • The thing is we aren't together. We act like we are in a relationship but we aren't. That's why I'm so scared to tell him how I feel and how the baby doesn't bother me

What Girls Said 2

  • well, I think about 99% of people would have freaked out a bit, so don't feel bad about that.
    He is in a shitty situation now, because my guess is, that being latino he feels obligated to take care of this woman and his kid. Which is the honorable thing to do, but not necessarily what will make him happy.
    Let him have his time to think about it. Putting pressure on him to tell him what is going to happen with you too is not going to do anything for you.
    He has bigger problems right now and probably really does not know what to do.
    The thing that strikes me as odd however, is that his ex is telling him now, 4 month later... why wait so long? It does not really take 4 months for a woman to realize she's pregnant, does it?

    The only advice I can give you is to let time pass. Let him work it out in his mind and maybe take a step back yourself so you guard yourself from getting hurt.

    • She said she didn't tell him because she was scared he would tell her to get an abortion. I'm also wondering if he has some type of relationship with her. He's only been here a year.

      Yea I guess I'm just feeling a bit dumb and want to fix things.

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    • Should I eventually bring up the subject again?

    • No, it will come up eventually when he is ready to talk about it and after he got it figured out. (He knows perfectly well that you are waiting for feedback from him.)

  • Are you puertorican?
    Is he living most of the time in puerto rico?
    How did you meet him?

    • No I'm not I'm Mexican. He lives in Oregon where I live. We met dancing salsa.

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    • Eso lo entiendo solo quisiera respuesta... como k va pasar con la chica? Con nosotros? Etc. Whe he answered "I don't know" to his feelings for me I kind of felt rejected because I clearly told him I was starting to have feelings for him.

    • If he likes you and indeed wants you in his life, he will let you know. Maybe not now but when his mind clears up. When that does happen it would be great for you to take part in his baby to be's life. To show some support and understanding. If he does not, then he did not.