Why isn't he breaking up with me but giving me the cold shoulder?

I've been dating this man for almost three months. last weekend I asked him where he saw things going. He said he was not sure it was too early to tell. he works 3 jobs and I can only see him once a week Lately. He told me we can be exclusive but he's not ready for the bf label. He said this conversation should have happened later When we know each other better. He said he gets the vibe I'm frustrated with what he can give me and that if he does not tell me how he feels soon I would dump him. I told him no I just wanted to know where he was at. I asked if he wanted to end things with me and he said no he's happy with how things are going. The conversation ended well we went to bed not fighting. since then we have not talked much I've texted him a few times and he answers but normally he initiates more. I'm not sure if he's just done with me and does not have the guts to breakup with me or he's just taking a breather after our fight. Normally we see a each other on weekends but I was gone last weekend. He has not made much effort to get I touch with me since and it's Tuesday a week later. What should I do, just give him more time and space or assume it's over?

Just an update I called him to talk and try to smooth it over. He said he was busy this weekend but that we could make time to meet up to talk about things. I guess we're OVER?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It appears here, dear, without it having to be etched in stone With-------I've been dating this man for almost three months... and hopefully counting, that now that the cat has been let out of the bag as to where you both stand, he is getting some cold duck feet, it has become somewhat awkward in your relationship and Now------He has not made much effort to get in touch with me since...
    Although this tom has laid it on the line with 'We can be exclusive' and not being ready nor raring to label this more, by you Asking him 'Where he saw things,' he got caught off guard with this, like being caught with his hand in the cookie jar and was almost forced to tell you, which you saw he did, and now it has changed things a bit, it would seem, because he doesn't feel comfortable in having to had explain anything about 'Anything' it seems. He feels that perhaps now that you know, it is putting this peer pressure on him on his end with his 'Vibe,' and it is not only Frustrating you but him now as well.
    If he continues to shut you out, put you on his pay no mind list with no open lines of convo and n 'Initiates more,' tell him you think it might be best if you both either take a break from one another and do some soul searching or just be friends and keep things lite and semi sweet. Somehow this has put a monkey wrench into what he never most likely expected you to ask and he is being indifferent and I don't feel it is fair to you to leave you... holding the bag with whatever surprises could come next.
    Good luck. xx

    • Agreed with this

    • Show All
    • Sorry this is the last update I reay appreciate your advice. I was thinking of texting him today and apologizing for making him feel pressured and letting him know that I'm willing to take things slow and see what happens. I think I made him feel like there was an ultimatum too early on, he might be feeling upset.

    • Thank you, sweetie, for allowing me to lend a helping hand here... Okay, I see what you want to do and perhaps one more try would not hurt. Go ahead and send the text and then wait... nothing more after this. xxoo

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • First of all do you know for sure that he has three jobs or he is just lying about his job so that he could meet you only at weekends? Look for signs, clues and ask around to know if he is lying but be discreet about it.
    If he is not lying then you should give him a call and meet him. Because, from what you have said about him, he might be working really hard to make money and use some of it on you to make you happy. This explains his frustrations. he is being insecure because he is thinking you would leave him if he could not do anything for you. You should deal with his insecurity.
    He worked really hard all the week so as to be with you on the last weekends but you were not there which made him either mad or think that you are not interested in him anymore. I think he does not know what to do next.
    So call him and meet him tell him what does you want from him

    • I am positive that he works the three jobs. However he does not work them for me, he works them to pay off his student loans. knowing him he's not upset I went away for the weekend as we are not committed seriously. I'm just upset because it feels like he has not initiated any conversation since I last saw him and normally he does. I don't know if our talk made him upset and he's taking a step back re evaluating the relationship and unsure what to do yet or if he's over it but just hasn't told me. I would hope he would let me know if he was over it. I'm unsure whether to confront him about his distance by calling him or to just give him space and see if he comes around?

    • Relationship works both ways. If he has not text you yet then it might mean that he is expecting you to text me first so that he could believe that you are taking this relationship seriously. I believe this is not your first relationship and I would say trust your instincts and take a decisions but do not wait much long. If this relationship is worth saving then you should confront him and if its not then walk away. But if you are confronting him then try to think of things from his point of view and ask him to consider your point of view.

  • Assuming he's being genuine, he's probably feeling awkward about all the pressure you put on him. Be more subtle about things like that in the future. Ask him to text you from time to time. Apparently you two are working into an actual relationship, good luck with that, but even in an open relationship you have to be more patient than that. You can't just shove expectations into someone's face and expect them to sort it out, until you get exasperated with them, and THEN tell them what your expectations were.

    Quick edit: You seem to overreact.-.
    If he said "I can't do that this weekend," then yeah, it's either sunk, or it's going to take a LONG time. But, he said "we can make time." Aka, he plans on seeing/talking to you. Calm down. .-. You're trying to the sink the relationship before you've even built it.

    If you really like him and want to make it an open relationship, you need to wait. He's working 3 jobs to pay off student loans, which, god knows, is enough stress, but having a relationship, even one with no problems, would make it even worse. If you're going to keep him, you need to think about it from all sides.

    "He has not made much effort to get I touch with me since and it's Tuesday a week later. What should I do, just give him more time and space or assume it's over?"
    "Just an update I called him to talk and try to smooth it over. He said he was busy this weekend but that we could make time to meet up to talk about things. I guess we're OVER?"

    Please, calm the hell down, it won't help you get the relationship onto the open waters if you're going crazy.

    From: A person who's seen this a lot and has no idea why girls do this

    Sources:80% of my friends are girls and I'm "the dependable one"

    • I understand I'm just feeling hurt. it's been two weeks since we last saw each other and all I got when I phone him was him saying he's busy and that maybe we could meet up this weekend to talk.

    • I also just feel like I'm being left in the dark about whether we are together or not. If he no longer wants to see me why isn't he telling me. He said we could get together maybe sometime this weekend to discuss things but why is it taking two weeks to breakup with me. the wait is causing me a lot of anxiety, are we just on a break? is he just thinking about things is that why it's taking so long for him to tell me what's going on?

  • I understand he's busy, but if you two are meant to be together, he should make an effort and you should still be a priority. Discuss it with him.

    But if he isn't being warm, then maybe it's best to move to someone else. You deserve better and I feel for ya! He can't have the easy option of a backup person to talk to when he feels like it!!!

    Could you help me with my question pls? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1370383-is-this-flirty-female-friend-into-me-am-i-into-her-why-do-i

    Need some advice. This female friend already has a bf and is flirting with me?


What Girls Said 1

  • Don't date a man who doesn't know what he wants. He certainly likes you , but he is unsure if he wants a relationship. Don't waste your time, or he is going to drag you along.