He didn't message back...what does this mean?

So I have a crush, we have been to many of the same parties and have chatted frequently. I'm pretty sure he's at least a little into me too (always asking me questions at parties and doing the whole arms round the waist in photos deal). He hasn't asked me out, but I have heard from many of our mutual friends that he rarely does, and likes the girl to make the first move. Once when we were chatting on Facebook I was building up the courage to ask him out for lunch when half way through our convo he went offline. So decided to send him a private Facebook message asking him to catch up for lunch sometime this week, it has been three days and still I have had no word.

Was this approach too forward? If not why has he not replied? Even if he wanted to say no, shouldn't he at least have the decency to reply? And I know that he has been online since I left the message - please help me!


Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, I usually would stray from asking someone out online unless it's in the natural flow of the conversation (like you're talking about future plans, a restaurant, etc. and it would make sense to plan them together). I just feel like there's too many question marks with online communication (Did he get my message?, Does he check FB that often?, Maybe the email went to spam?, etc.). Also, because the response time is rarely immediate, you will make yourself a nervous wreck over-analyzing EVERYTHING as you eagerly wait for his reply!

    Aside from this though, he may have just not seen the Facebook message yet. I'm one of those people (and I know many others) that don't keep their inbox clean and don't really check their messages very often. If you see him frequently (I assume you go to the same school), just follow up and ask him if he got your message and wants to get lunch. In person, you'll be able to much better determine his feelings by how he responds. If he's "busy," non-committal, or stammering for an excuse, those could be bad signs. If he's very receptive and happy to get lunch with you, that's a better sign. But simply speculating about it now is going to drive you nuts.

    Good luck!

    • We don't go to the same school, but I see him most weekends. Someone else recommended asking him out again in person but not to bring up the message at all, what are your takes on this?

      Or do you think a better way of going about it is to say "hey.. you get my FB message?"

    • Either way is probably, fine. I would opt to mention the message because chances are he will see the message eventually (if he hasn't already), so I don't think it makes sense to pretend like it doesn't exist. Just make sure that you do NOT call him out on it. Don't be like: "Hey jerk! You never responded to me!"...even if you are teasing. Just be casual: "Hey, I don't know if you saw my message or not, but do you want to grab lunch sometime?"

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What Guys Said 3

  • Your approach wasn't too forward but its never a good idea to ask someone something by a message in Facebook because you never know when they will get the message. Its possible he's not checked his messages.

    The way your stressing shows how much of a crush this person is, its not healthy. You need to ask him out in person and soon because your too involved already and you haven't had the first response yet. If your this "needy" before your even going out, it will reduce your chances of things working, you may even prevent things happening by being so overeager. So, relax, casually enquire next time you online chat or see him in person if he's up for lunch and forget the other message (see if he brings it up).

    Good luck.

    • I can see how I may sound needy from the question that I left on here but that is because it's an annonymous question and I can afford to so. I can assure you I have been far from needy with the guy, which is why I decided to go for it (as in ask him to lunch). And I totally aggree that needy girls drive guys away, it's not a good look. But thanks for the advice - and so you're recomending that next time I see him ask him to lunch again but don't bring up the message at all?

    • Exactly :).

      Its the cool thing to do. They, hey, lunch... if not, let it go.

      I was more commenting on how you must have feel to have written that question. Your clearly smitten. Need can be communicated all too well without needing verbalising. When we are smitten (and we all are at times) even the coolest of cats radiates it on some subconcious level. So, not saying your being needy, but the question suggests you need him bad. You almost need to back up, not need him and start again.

    • Girl. I feel you. When you see that green dot next to his face... and your inbox is still empty... it does bad things to you mate. It's best to assume he's not interested, and since he's not interested, it's just not a good match. And since it's not a good match, it's time to say PEACE OUT BRAH.

  • he probably doesn't check his Facebook everyday?

    if he does, he's not that interested.

  • he's not interested


What Girls Said 2

  • That approach was definately not too forward. It would be more plausable that something happened to his computer. He might have gotten knocked offline or there is something wrong with it and he can't get online. How do you know he has been online? Don't make such a big deal out of this. If you guys talk all the time and you think he likes you why not just call him up and say "Hey what's up? Did you get my Facebook message?" If he says no he didn't get it then tell him you wanted to see if he wanted to hang out and do lunch or something.

  • When you least expect something... that's usually when things happen. Just RELAX.. if you give it some time you won't seem desperate and this will allow him to think of your propsal. If given a long enough time- move on! No big deal. Plenty of guys out their who aren't bashful to actually make the first move. No offense- (just my opinion) I don't like those guys that need a girl to basically spell it out for them to go hang out. To me that makes them either insecure, unconfident, like a girl, or a nerd. All things that are unattractive for a guy I would date...