Dating Exclusively.... How do Guys Bring This Up?

So I have been seeing someone that I have known for over a decade as friends... but we have most recently taken our friendship to a more romantic dating level. We have been seeing each other for about a month.

After some confusion about what we were exactly he opened up to me over a few cocktails at a chi-chi lounge that he sees us as "dating" and that in fact he only "dates" intelligent, accomplished women like myself. Ok so he sees us as dating. Got that.

Then a few minutes later... after holding hands and canoodling... he goes on to say that when he knows what he likes... and when he likes them he really likes them. And that is it for him. No one else.

I smiled - laughed and said that "well thank god I am using you for sex then." He seemed shocked by this reaction so I countered by saying that I should assume that he likes me then. His rebuttal was that he couldn't believe that I could think otherwise. He said he has tried showing me over the course of our previous date... making me dinner... baking for me... being open about his past... etc. He said he doesn't do those things for just anyone. He also opened our date by asking my opinion on weddings and prenups! (which I am for btw) and laid on the chivalry VERY thick.

Later on after some bedroom time... we started spooning afterwards... at which point I said I have a rule. He responded by asking what it was and I said -- "No cuddling or snuggling." He asked "Why? You don't like to snuggle?" At which point I responded by saying "I love to snuggle! But I don't want to unless YOU are prepared for us to matter." He responded by cuddling and holding me all night.

Since this date he already texted me, and has emailed me as well. He has also planned our next date when I visit his city next. He wants to take me out dancing.

Now, all of the aforementioned being said -- am I out to lunch here or was he trying to tell me that he wanted to be exclusive? And I missed it?

What do you guys think? How do you let the girl you are "seeing" know you want to transition to exclusive dating?

He texted me again this w/e just to say "hi" ... aaahhh. Then offered to clear his schedule any weekend that I am available to visit him soon. For someone like him this is a HUGE concession as he is a busy professional. Good signs I think. Yay!


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What Guys Said 2

  • You have a keeper, and you are a catch as well.

    That's what I think.

    The guy you are referring to maintained interest even with your flirting line of "well thank god I'm using you for sex then!" - haha I was shocked but that even attracted me. You have a lot of experience and I'm sure this guy is having an absolute pleasure being with you.

    I am assuming you are an expert in the relationship field, a lot of people on this site could use some help. I want your help - could you write an article about your flirting comments? Verbally flirting is difficult!

    Im dumbfounded, I have never given someone such a compliment, but in all honesty- your experience feels way more than my own. If you get time for that article message me a link, I will be thrilled!

    Best regards,


    • Lol. Experience? Hardly. I am actually recently divorced after being in a 10 year relationship (and I'm only 29 - so do the math).

      However, I have a quick sarcastic wit - that is part of my charm ;) It comes with confidence. I know what I offer and what I bring to the table. Plain and simple. Just own it!

    • Now that being said - I HAVE dated a lot in the past year. So in essence that has given me a window into the whole verbal flirting scene. It takes a VERY confident man to want a woman like me in his life - so I play (flirt) accordingly.

      Always balance the sarcastic with the sweet. For every sarcastic comment (like I mentioned above) follow up with 2 sweet and sincere ones about who they are and what you see. Now, in my case - I think I totally blew by a convo regarding our relationship!!

    • *Still in shock* The wizdom is correct, while it can seem like that, there will be a more meaningful relationship discussion in a moment where this guy asks again. At this point you will have known from the first situation, not to be playful but instead take the thought seriously.

      You are right about the confidence part- still workin on it =) Thank you for the advice, it helps ALOT

  • Its pretty clear he's looking for you two to be exclusive. At least he's giving out signals to you that is the case.

    However, signals are never concreate and bad guys thrive on ambiguity. He _sounds_ like a "good guy" (but then they all do at first, good or bad).

    What are YOU looking for?

    • I would LOVE to be exclusive with him!

      We dated a decade ago -- and lost touch when he graduated uni.... and went off in pursuit of his professional ambitions. 7 years later we reunited as friends and about 2 months ago he moved to a city near mine after we revealed having feelings for each other.

      Yes, he is one of the good ones. This I know over a decade of knowing him and his interactions with women (including myself).

    • Well, it sounds like he's wanting to get serious. Let him know you feel the same.

      Hope it works out! :D

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