He rejected me even though he loved me, what does it look like to you guys?

so this guy and I were in a flirtationship for a year and practically a couple. At the end of that year he kissed me, I asked what it all meant? He said he didn't want to take things further. Not because he doesn't like me or because he doesn't think he can love me but because he didn't want it, because he didn't see a future. Doesn't that basically mean he didn't really like me? Anyway, he invested a year into our whatevership. He would drive across country to see me, send me flowers, make plans, talk every day, tell me he loves me every day, etc.. but when it came down to commitment.. he backed off. So we tried to be friends and I of course didn't want it, after a month he came to the same party as me because he heard I would be there. Later admitting he came to see me so "we can be friends again". Failed plan of course, 2 months after that I reached out because i missed him too much and we became friends for 2 months. I of course realised I was settling for peanuts and he was being careful about not flirting and trying to maintain friendship (but still making sure to talk to me every day). I ended our friendship again and haven't spoken to him ever since, after telling him he was a jerk to me (for certain things he said and the way he handled them). Its his birthday soon and I'm not messaging him. He did say before I say goodbye that he will miss me and hopes I change my mind some day. Ehhh he was the one who rejected me after using me and leading me on for a year to only admit he actually didn't want anything serious. if he respected our friendship, he would never crossed the boundary of friendship and more. So I will see him at uni in a few months and I intend on ignoring him but I don't get him? Did he ever like me? Why did he let go of something he himself said was so amazing and a great connection? or if otherwise, why did he use me? Why did he want to be friends after he decided i wasn't worth the effort? HELP!


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's a secret agent!

    Well maybe not, but what I do think is that his life is just too busy to have a relationship at this point, that or he's just too self-righteous and afraid of breakups and just assumes that no matter what every relationship he has will end badly. No matter the case, it sounds like he really doesn't want a relationship at this time, there may be extenuating circumstances that he hasn't told you about. I would just try to remain friendly towards him, if you want any kind of whatevership, just stick to friendship for now.

    • well I broke off a friendship, he said it will never happen.. us.. ever. Whats the point then? But why does he get depressed when I walk away after he did that? It also became messy because I was so hurt and upset that the one person I trusted not to hurt me this badly, did it so easily. I told him that too and he said not easily and that it hurts him. I dont really believe it. I also asked why he did all those things for me then? He kind of avoided the whole dsicussion. I also don't get why he made an effort while being so sick (he has intestinal problems) to come and see me even if it was for 10 minutes. Its all a bit dumb to be honest. And isn't it true that if a guy really loves a girl, he will make it happen? This guy just pretended to love me, dont know why... but yeh I think after him, I never want to fall in love with anyone again.. thats something I am 100% sure of. I just want to understand how others might see it

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    • You know, many of my friends said the same thing. That he seems to be hiding the truth and pretending its just not love instead of confronting the truth. I am pretty amazed at your ability to understand a stranger's situation and I really appreciate your willingness to help. You have no idea. I got into the PhD during our time together and it didn't seem to be a problem, quite the opposite. And I know I am out of his league, when he rejected me. I said look if you really liked me, nothing would matter. So I explained how I didn't care that he was slightly younger, that he wasn't stable yet etc because I knew together we would make it. And this whole plenty of fish thing, I thought that for years too but tbh no guy has ever wanted to commit to me, even when things seemed to be fine. I spent time analysing and trying to learn a lesson from my experiences, but sometimes there is really nothing to learn except that the guys just didn't want me. I have gone for different kind of guys..

    • mostly good guys. I even lowered my standards in the sense that I prioritised what is really important to me in a guy. Even then, I always end up being the one left behind. I usually don't waste time on a guy if its clear he isn't looking for the same thing. This guy just faked it really well, maybe there was something there between us but he didn't like me enough to make me his girlfriend. Even when parting ways, he said i'm important to him and he wants me in his life. So I said yes until some girl comes along, he said "no never, i would ask for advice". That was when I said, see this is exactly why I don't want to be friends, I don't want to be that girl. He said if I didn't want it then its fine (meaning he was fine with cutting ties too) and he said he hopes I change my mind to be friends so I said well no. And then he said he will always be there for me as a friend, even if I don't want it. Ridiculous..

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • There's so many reasons why he might have backed off
    1. Commitment phobe
    2. Liked you but didn't think you were compatible.
    3. Just led you on.

    • Isn't commitment phob just an excuse for a guy who doesn't like a girl enough? And to not think we're compatible, we were really good together. Led me on... probably... i've never had a guy want to commit to me.. so probably just enjoyed the attention

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    • I think he did like you but he was judging you if he wasn't open minded. Just cos he was kind and polite doesn't mean that he thinks your compatible. I honestly think he thought you weren't compatible. He was nice and thoughtful cos that's his personality.

    • well im conservative, so i doubt he minded it. i don't know what it was. but would a guy who liked a girl, do that? if he valued me he wouldn't have let it go so far and then back off..

  • Bull shit is fun when your're young :/ BUT then you grow up...

    • meaning? He was full of crap right?

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    • lol... lmao... lmyoldfuckinassoff... "You don't eve know... YOU DON'T EVEN knooooooowww" *high pitched voice*

    • me too damn... I could use some happe meds...