I seem to bring out the worse in guys. I can be their friend but not girlfriend. Is something really wrong with me?

Everyone has had their share of heartbreaks and I hate talking about my sorrows but I don't know what else to do. I'm at my wits end.

I'm a nerdy black girl. So it goes without saying I NEVER got asked out and even worse I only had guy friends so that's a double negative for me. I knew early that guys would never date me even though they called me pretty and said I had a great personality and I'd make anyone a great wife. So you know, despite all this, I keep optimism that things would get better. Fast forward my first relationship. We had been friends for awhile and he asked me out then after me bringing him soup when he was sick, us going to see midnight premieres of movies, the cake I baked him for his birthday, and making sure he has lunch every day he up and leaves me a year later because "I made him feel gay". Needless to say I was heart broken especially when I saw him the next week with an overly pretty girly girl. I'll be honest I know I'm not pretty and I'm on the heavier side and I know afros turn people off too but you know for a year I felt like I had done everything wrong by simply liking to play video games and by being bisexual, I didn't mind him ogling other women because I trusted him enough to be with me.

So next relationship. Same routine, except it began purely as romantic. 5 months in, he leaves me for a girl who is bald, on drugs, and is pregnant with someone else's child. Then you guessed it the next week they break up. When I asked him why he said no offense but I can't show you off.

So this brings us here. Knew the guy for a year. Honestly the sweetest guy ever. This past Thursday he asks me out with a note as we get shakes and I say yes. Friday , he posts pictures up of his new girlfriend. He proceeds to block me on EVERYTHING. WhenI finally get a hold of him and ask him why he says "I can't be serious with some black chick. You're a 20 year old virgin something has to be wrong with you." Honestly, he's probably right.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You may need to improve your looks. You lack confidence, you admitted you are overweight. If you take care of your looks not only will you become more attractive to men, but you will be confident in a sexy way.. you'll have that attitude to go along with your looks that men love. why do you think men love pretty sexy girly girls? You can become one too and have that power over men

    You also lack self esteem. you are giving your time to men who do not appreciate you, then become surprised when their actions show that they never appreciated you. you don't think you are worthwhile but you expect someone else to? wheredeydodatat? Have confidence and realize a guy would be lucky to have you. You might not be a supermodel but you could add a lot of positivity to a mans life. however if you don't believe that then you will be forever dealing with men who see you as something to do until they get to the next chick. You do all this for a guy's approval and then he moves on to a chick who won't do half of that for him. Why? because deep down that other chick doesn't take his shit and she knows her value. when you know your worth, you become more valuable in a mans eyes and he will do more to impress you... instead of you doing everything to impress him but not getting appreciated for it

    • Yes I'm over weight but genetics play a HUGE part in that. I'm not a girl with an excess guy out double chin of love handles, I just have a really but butt and a significantly smaller waist and a larger bust. I honestly can't help that. Every women in my family is either top heavy or bottom heavy and I just got hit with both. So even though I do yoga and walk like a mile a day and I'm a vegetarian genetics dictates my figure mostly.

      As for the self confidence it use to be high then school happened and because of the area I lived in and being not completely black added onto my bullying. But either way my goal isn't to dress girly, it just isn't who I am. I'm most comfortable in jeans and t-shirt and no make up with all my natural hair. I don't want to become some make up wearing barbie doll I was just wondering if who I am, my game loving, anime watching, drawing, writer, nerd self just made guys go full on jerk and perhaps I'm just the person that isn't meant to be in a relationship

    • If you don't have a gut or excess fat, it sounds like you have an hourglass figure. hourglass figures are cute and you need to be proud of that. You made it sound like you were fat, not thick and fine.

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  • Um I was a virgin at 20 and never had a boyfriend before that and nothing is wrong with that. Don't let these men make you bitter. There is nothing wrong with you. You need to find the right guy for you. Best of luck

  • Nothing wrong with you dear. Im virgin at 22 not met right guy . men are idiots believe in yourself