He's multi dating and I am not?

I've been seeing a guy for about two months and I thought that it was going extremely well. We just have that weird, unexplainable chemistry and we've both acknowledged that. We've established that we both have strong feelings for each other already. Prior to this, we both had very long term, serious relationships that both ended early last year, and though we've both dated some others since then, we don't have much dating experience. But neither of us have felt such a strong connection before.

Anyway, each time we are together, we act more and more like a real couple. Pet names, PDA, constantly professing our interest in each other, etc. I know better than to assume we are exclusive before we've had the talk, which we hadn't, but I didn't really expect that he would be seeing anybody else. Until he told me he was, about two weeks ago. He said that he's been nervous to tell me that he's also been seeing another girl since around the time he started seeing me and he wanted to hear my thoughts on that. He says he does like the other girl, who is also seeing two other guys. He said that he is very confused and stressed about this situation and that he just wants to figure out what he wants.

I feel a little bit confused because we spend every weekend together, sleep over, go on one or two dates during the week, go out with each other's friends, talk about long term plans, I've met his family, etc. I don't understand where he even finds the time to see this other girl. It did hurt a little to know that, while he apparently has such a connection with me, he still wants to see other people. I've tried multi-dating and it isn't for me, but I'm being tolerant.

I guess my question is just... What's going on? Are there any guys that can give me some insight here? How long should I wait for him make up his mind? I know it's not possible for anybody to tell me exactly what to expect but I feel like I need some advice. I'm feeling a bit down and confused. Thank you!


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What Guys Said 2

  • When you're dating more than one person, especially if you're sexually active with at least one of them, it is common decency to tell the other partners, at least for health reasons. Some STD's can be spread with condoms on, it is your business to know if there are other people. I'd personally recommend dumping him for being so inconsiderate, but if you want to keep him around tell him that he has to end it with one of you IMMEDIATELY. Put him on the spot. If he can't decide then you're not #1 in his books and do you want to date someone who doesn't consider you his #1?

    I'm sorry you have to go through this, I know how much it must suck. Good luck.

  • He is getting his cake and eating it.

    Personally, make him choose. Right now, he is playing the field, seeing what he wants. And that isn't fair to you, especially as he didn't tell you prior that he was doing that.


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