What should I do?? I'm torn between 2 "lovers"...

1ST GUY(Feb14)He just broke up with his girlfriend the day before we met. At a bar. We danced and kissed, but we also talked a lot. We were both sober.

I just found out that my friend hooked up with a guy 2 nights ago who turned out to be THE GUY that I hooked up with about a month ago. Feb 14. I don't know if I should be mad or jealous or laughing at the situation. We met at a bar and it was the day after he broke up with his girlfriend, but he seemed nice.

--------2ND GUY I like this guy and it seems that he likes me back. He considered asking me to be his girlfriend only after 2 weeks we've met and hung out. I don't know if it is all going too fast. Am I supposed to wait it out until I've developed feelings towards him? I really like him, and I like spending time with him. I'm just not on that stage where I'm "in love" with him already. I actually told him that if I'd have known him for more than 2 weeks, I would have said YES. He says "ok, 2 more weeks it is. :)" and I said "ok then, I'll act surprised" He's really a sweet and funny guy. It's just that I've never had a boyfriend before, so I don't really know what's up.

A quick update though: we've kissed and made out. And stuff. Now he also already knows that I am still a virgin. What bothers me is the idea that he might be only considering me to be his girlfriend to get "dibs" on, well, you know what.

------I'M TORN BETWEEN 2 GUYS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 1ST GUY and I talked on the phone last night for over an hour, and just got to know each other and laughed and flirted a bit. He asked me to go out with him sometime. But I said that I'm exclusively seeing someone. Then I got the vibe that he just felt rejected. He then said that he has to sleep early for an exam tomorrow, and asks me if I won't get in trouble if he calls me. I then said that I would love for him to call me whenever he wants.

I'm so confused because I had a totally different connection with him than 2ND GUY. 2ND GUY and I never talk that long on the phone, we never joke as much, and we never had serious and deep conversations. On the other hand, 1ST GUY was very much interested in what I take in school, my crappy jokes, and how we both want to consider psychology and acting/filming in the future.

Now I'm confused about how I feel towards 1ST and 2ND GUY. I don't know what their intentions are, but I feel that if I asked them early at this point, they'd freak out (knowing how guys can have commitment issues).

I'm looking for a serious relationship and I feel so vulnerable. I need your opinions on this guys, please.

Yea so I did choose.. 2ND GUY and I are still dating.. apparently he's just a shy guy. now he's more open, and I confronted him with how I feel. he says he's pretty serious about us, and he says he won't hurt me. well to be sure, we're taking it slow. ;)


Most Helpful Guy

  • A couple of things on this:

    1) guys that kiss you in a bar the night that you meet them only seem nice. He's likely only after a couple of things, neither of which you should give him. He's definitely right to feel rejected, because that's exactly what I'd have thought. But I think that's probably what he should get.

    2) it doesn't seem like you know what you want. And I agree with nique23 - you should take a few steps back from both of these guys. There's a lot of stuff at stake for you right now. Keep your virginity - it shouldn't be given away on anything close to a coin toss, or a "he'll do".

    Wait for the guy who is willing to wait for you and respect you enough to lead you in the way you need and want to be led. Wait until you're ready to make a lifelong commitment (i. E. Marriage), and then have all the fun you can muster with your husband. He'll love you all the more for it and honor your self-control and commitment to purity. Don't buy into the junk that people say about needing 'experience'. The right guy will give you all the experience you want, and it'll totally be worth it because you won't have any other jackass clouding your vision or confusing you with emotional scars and bad memories.

    If you feel vulnerable, it's because you are. Be safe, keep your cards close to your vest, and don't feel rushed into anything. That's how bad decisions are made, and where regret gets its roots.

    • U freaked me out when you started talking about marriage. I'm just looking for a serious long term relationship, but that doesn't necessarily mean marriage. Just s first real love. :) but you were right about me being vulnerable. That's why I'm giving in to their crap. I should keep my cool and start slow. Then I'll see who has better intentions with me. :) thank you!

    • Didn't mean to freak you out, just thinking that if you're dating guys who aren't marriage material (even if that's not what you're looking for), you run the risk of gettin' hurt by a guy who isn't worth getting hurt over. I completely agree on taking it slow. There shouldn't be any rush at this point.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • There is no law that says that you can not date both of these guys...tell each that you are dating until you find exactly what you are looking for and you won't know that until you continue this process. If they make you choose and you are not ready to commit to one, then its prob best to move on since you are not on the same page. Once you have been dating them for a while you should have a much clearer picture. Don't sell yourself short. But don't lead them to believe that they could be your one and only until you know.

  • pick a guy and stop leading them on. if it doesn't work out, take a break and see if the other guy is still available. in no way try to date them both. thats just asking to b made look like a whore.

    make a decision, but when u do, stick to it. tell the other 1 that u are absolutely not interested in anything more and if that's not acceptable to him, he's not the guy u need in the 1st place. picking 1 and leaving the other on the back burner will only b the rock in the shoe and end up with hurt feelings on both sides leaving u lost to both of them with a bad reputation.

    • Yea, 2ND GUY and I are getting along really well. I like your answer, it's pretty straight forward, and it's what I've done to resolve the problem... rather to "get out" of the situation. I feel bad for 1ST GUY, but I hope I didn't leave him a bad image of me being a tease or whatever....but thanks for the help!

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you may need to call a time out 4 awhile. Although I know your not committed 2 any one yet ( and I do stress the yet part) it seems like your beyond torn and that's never a good thing. This already spells out drama because either way it goes someone is bound to get hurt. And I'm not just implying that its one of the guys. You have a lot to think about mainly you. Lets concentrate on the first guy for a minute. Classic girl mets guy at bar , girl and guy kiss , girl and guy talk , girl and guy SOBER? Ok not that classic but in any case you did just find out that your friend hooked up with him a couple days of go and while it may not spell out love. It does indicate that this guy may not b ready to take it to the next level. He's on the rebound. He my be looking for that stability he was use to having when he was coupled up. Therefore telling you what he thinks you want to hear and convincing himself in the process that your the one. The second guy seems to already be attached which might mean one of 2 things either he's overly clingy , or he found something in you that's worth not giving up ( hopefully its the second) 4 your own sanity I hope you take a couple of steps back before you make a decision. One of two things may happen either your going to b really miserable or really happy, I hope its the second one.

    • The thing I'm scared of is maybe 2ND GUY is keeping me for specific "reasons" - if you know what I mean. But I'm trying to take it slow now. He's meeting my friends this friday. So we'll see what my friends think of him. :)