Please help - is this relationship saveable and how?

We are both 30 and have been together for 8 months.

We fight a lot and it's not been easy. But we both made compromises and things have been better in the past couple of months. But then we fought again this past weekend and even though we made up, it's been awkward (which isn't unusual after a fight). But i called him today and he said he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and says it's not working out. I asked him directly if he wants to break up and he says he doesn't know. I said all couples fight but the point is they stay together after but he said "or they move on." I.stayed calm and said I love him and I want to be with him but we aren't kids anymore so if he thinks I'm not the one he's going to end up with, then he needs to find someone else because I do want him to be happy. He just said I don't know and that he's going to wash up and call me back later.

Even as I type, it sounds pretty much like it's over. But I might as well ask since I've already written all this. I get that fighting hurts the relationship and he's probably tired of it all. And yes I know he even said he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. My question is - is this not fixable? I don't need to hear whether it's worth trying because I think that's for me to decide. But I would like to hear opinions as to whether it's even possible to save this relationship and how. Thank you.


Most Helpful Guy

  • That guy doesn't have any strong feelings for relationship due to whatever fights you have had with him all this time. I mean really fighting on a regular basis can irritate anybody, and make you to leave that relation asap. But, if the the guy says he don't know whether he wants a break up then he probably is looking for the reasons to cling on and he doesn't know whether it is worth it. Just clinging on doesn't work that often unless he really wants to be in a relationship. Dragging such relationship is just a waste of time for me.

    I still hope that things should work out between you two as you seem to love that person.

    • Thank you for taking the time :). I do love him or I wouldn't be asking for help because I really don't jnkw what to do. You said if he's not breaking up immediately then maybe he is looking for a reason to cling on. This may be false hope for me but does it mean I might be able to convince him to try again? I don't know what "reason" I can give him except that I love him and want to make this work, which I already said to him.

    • If he hasn't made up his mind, then I am sure you can convince him because you both had something that kept you together. All i feel is that he is more negative towards the relation but seems to value a lot. Ask him about his concern about the things that he feels is going wrong and should be changed. Do give your input how you can understand each other better and make your relationship happier than ever.

      Happiness is the key for me that makes me to be with any person or not. Instead of fighting try to put your words in such a manner that he understands you better. He also should do the same, if he decides to work things out. With all these things do make sure that love is still there from both of your side because without it, nothing will work even you fix it now.

    • Thank you - I will try. He said he is tired of talking because we always keep having the same fights. I'll try though.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • My relationship has been likethis its a atter of taking time away from each other, go out, have fun, meet yu people - im not saying have sex with everyone around but if it happens then that gives you a new perspective to view purely your feelings for each other. If you can be around new peole go on date etc but still think of him and your feelings linger then thats what you need to talk about
    Set some time apart but set a date to talk after it so eg three weeks from now meet at a coffee shop make sure you have no plans surrounding it so if you get into things so be it
    And obviously you can still talk during that time *dont argue* but if you want to end the break earlier then say so. If your bored and want to go for a drink as friends then say so. It will give you a chance to re-establish what feelings you have *whether its romantic or just friends or you simple hate him now* and then you can talk about your issues knowing you both still love each other and want to be together *or you dont in which case you saved yourself 3434 hours of arguing and a messy break up

    • Do you mean taking time for me to figure out if I love him? I already know I do - I'm not the type to jump into relationships or say that lightly. It's more a matter of how to figuring out if he still locws me and if he wants to be with me. And if possible, what I can do

    • For both of you, your judgement right now is clouded by the fights/idea of loosing him etc so many things so you just need to clear your head and see it from an impartial view and i dont mean ask a friend becasue your friend is not yuo, theyre opinion is very little help.
      This time is for BOTH of you to figure out how you feel so give him time to fiure out how he feels so he can go through the motions of 'i hate this relationship and her' to 'i miss her i need her' to 'i enjoying life on my own' and hopefully 'im enjoyinh life on my own, but i will want her in it'
      a lot of time when people argue its due to a lot of issues of thier own so give him time to miss you and sort trhough his feelings then go from there

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