Finally dating but when will we define the relationship?

So me and this guy have dated 2 times before but previously we were both to busy for a relationship, I have always really liked him and he has been the only guy I have ever been able to see a future with, well recently he was back and forth between me and his ex (because she was texting him while she had a boyfriend that she wanted to be with him, she was playing the crap outta him and he fell for it) who he had dated for 5 years and I told him I wasn't doing it and that he could talk to me when he decided what he was going to do, well he ended up picking me and now we are dating but he doesn't want to jump into it being a relationship which I understand but it's hard to take things slow when we have dated on and off for a year and 3 months... it just feels like we are already a couple we both agreed that he was only gonna see me and I was only going to see him and he is planning a vacation for us to go on and he's made all these plans for us and his friends are always asking me if we are official yet, everyone says we are perfect for each other and I agree he makes me a better person and I feel I do the same for him... So why aren't we an official couple? I need opinions from people.. Is he just wanting to try and take things slow to see if it'll all work out or is he afraid of getting hurt or what? And should I ask him about it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to try to guess his reasons, I think that maybe he wants to see how it goes first before jumping into a relationship, some people just need more time to do it. I think that this is what is happening perhaps. Give him more time. If you wanna ask him, I see no problems, but don't insist too much for now.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I think being on and off for over a year is long enough for him to get over his past relationship. He should be able to make a decision to stay for a relationship or let you go and continue to just play around. Whether you can continue to wait and for how long is up to you. There is no right answer. Since you are only 20 you are still very young, and I assume he is too. If he is hesitant to proclaim an official relationship, would he agree to being exclusive with you?

    • Well he has already told me that he will only be with me and no one else but he just isn't ready for the boyfriend/girlfriend term yet

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    • So then what does that mean for me?

    • Guys like that want the freedom to do what they want when they want with who they want. Some guys look at having a serious relationship as an end to their good time with their buddies and the fun that comes with it. Of course, this is baloney and just his way of panicking and over reacting. So you have to really give him the space and freedom, or the illusion of it, so he gets what he wants at the same time remaining in a relationship with you. Some women can really be over controlling or too clingy or smothering without them ever knowing it. Some women also think they can "change" the guy into what they want him to be. I am not saying you are doing any of that, but he may worried and looking out for this. So unfortunately you just have to keep at arms length sort of. A lot of guys grow out of this 25-26 or so. All you can really do is be supportive and be there for him. At 20 I am sure you are in no rush for marriage and kids, so maybe let him know that he isn't "trapped".

  • Why have you two dated on and off for fifteen months, specifically?

    • Our work schedules were opposite i worked days and he worked nights and with me doing school on the weekend we never got to see each other but he now works days and I don't go to school on the weekend anymore so we now have time for each other

    • "Wanting to take things slow," I believe, likely means he has issues/baaggage from his prior relationship and, or residual feelings for ex. Consequently, he is overly cautious to label his relationship with you.

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