I feel like my girlfriend is way too spoiled and dependent. Does this matter a lot?

To start, I'll share some of my girlfriend's great qualities. She's incredibly caring/loving, very cutesy, opimistic, and humble - she always accepts my criticisms and does her best to work on the weak parts of her character. That being said, I've noticed some things over the 10months that we've been dating that drive me insane

For instance, her grandparents are very rich. Her mom is unemployed and her dad works a low income job, yet she lives in a mansion on an island. Every time I go over to her house, I always see the dad lazing around and the mom checking her fb. In contrast, my parents are immigrants and worked their asses off to keep the family going. We aren't poor, but my mom and dad are on their feet and working (either at home or work) from 8am to 7pm each night to raise me and my two brothers

We're both 20yrs old but sometimes I feel like she's way behind in development. For instance, she never works (I work two part time jobs and I'm a full time student at my university) and her parents actually reccommended that she NOT work because they can just give her money and apparently she "cant handle" work and school at the same time. She also doesn't drive, so her parents drive her EVERYWHERE every day, no matter the distance (we live 20miles apart for example)

She also didn't understand the concept of responsibility in her first year of college (before I met her). She would literally never go to class and party day and night, so now she's on academic probation. She basically threw away $20K in tuition money, which honestly only a rich girl who didn't value money would do. she's been trying to turn her life around after meeting me, and sincerely regrets everything from last year, but I still don't understand how an 18yr old can have such a weak understanding of responsibility.

Is this something that can change over time? I date seriously and for the intention of marriage, but I have a hard time seeing her learning to take care of herself, let alone a family.


Most Helpful Girl

  • She does seem dependent however, this is not only her fault. It's her parents' fault for not teaching the girl responsibility. But also, she should know that by now. If I were in that kind of situation I'd be worried and may even consider... splitting... because I mean the thought of having to do almost everything alone in the future is just not okay. If you really like her, I guess you could try to talk to her and help her learn responsibility. It's not going to be easy but I do think there can be a bit of change if she's dedicated to trying.

    • i am trying to help her learn responsibility, and she has the heart to learn, but the instinct is just not there. for instance, when we first started dating i literally had to explain in detail WHY it was disrespectful and irresponsible to blow off your parents' money and to disrespect their wishes of her building a good career. Even if her parents gave her one dollar to give to the homeless, and she takes that dollar and buys some gum, that would still be disrespectful and irresponsible. I explained that and she was like ohhh I never thought of it that way.

      Sometimes I feel the gap is too big :P some things I consider as common sense is a brand new concept to her

    • Oh lord xD I didn't know it was that bad...
      Don't be the person who feels the need to baby someone by always telling them whats right and whats wrong. I don't know how you're still sane!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Is this supposed to be some kinda flip the script irony?

    You sound exactly like a women trying to change "her man".

    She's young. She'll probably learn and change, and you might even be able to help her with that. So what?

    Finally, I'd like to suggest to you, that maybe she's actually more developed than you. Or her family is anyway. She CAN afford to throw away $20k and that's just the way it is. Her parents could sell their mansion and use the cash to afford her a small apartment and a comfortable lifestyle equivalent to the lifestyle you have to work your ass of for right now. So they've already "developed" the financial security to do whatever they want. Their money presents them different opportunity costs and it shows.

    But so what? You gonna sit there and tell me that everybody needs to be 100% efficient all the time?

    Society has brainwashed you to believe that life is suffering. It isn't.

    • if my father were Bill Gates and he gave me 20,000 bucks a year to go to college, and I waste all of it by not going to class, getting close to being kicked out of school, and ultimately disrespecting the wishes of my parents and now my boyfriend, then yes, I have not developed the concept of responsibility

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What Girls Said 1

  • As a teenager I got nothing but hand me downs and small checks. Sometimes I feel selfish even asking for money from my parents. She's lucky her parents are rich :p

    But what if they lose all their money?


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