Why do I not get approached? Why am I not datable?

I don't know what is the matter with me. Everyone or at least most people tell me I'm pretty. Even if they lie I'm sure I'm above average. My fashion sense it's great and I take care of my looks, hygiene and stay on the natural side (not overdoing make up and hair etc). I do have insecurities but I don't show it. I mean I'm not shy and all. I'm great at flirting, but I don't get a chance to flirt, since I don't get approached. Although it's not like my friends get upproached and I'm just standing there. I do get looks and guys do stare at me when entering a room. But it ends there. Noone comes to talk to me. And what makes me crazy is that all the guys that have met me ( friends and others that are kind of exes) all say I'm beautifull, funny and that I'm really unique. I'm sure they tell me the truth (what they think) and that they are honest, they weren't duchbags or something. But how am I unique? I mean if I am unique why on earth do I not have my flirts? Why do I not have a boyfriend? I don't go around looking slutty or sleeping around either. It's just not my thing. But I'm not like coming out of church either. I don't know what's my problem.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Like the other commenters said, approaching them yourself is always an option. You don't even have to show that much interest; you can strike up a casual conversation and make it look like you're just looking for someone - anyone - to talk to.

    If you're not into approaching, then just make YOURSELF more approachable. You don't want to sit around wondering why these people aren't coming up to you. Move around, chat with friends, show how open you are. Smile at EVERYONE, or at least smile with your eyes. If you just notice them staring at you without smiling, they won't feel welcome to come over and initiate a conversation. Body language is key. If you walked into a room and saw two guys - one of them sitting down, sipping a drink, eyes darting around the room and making eye contact with you several times, versus this other guy who's up and about, chatting briefly with everyone, displaying great versatility and good conversation skills, looks relaxed and easy-going, grins at you when you lock eyes - of course you're going to feel more inclined to speak to that one, because you know he's going to appreciate your company more than the other guy.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You should post a picture of yourself as you would appear when ready to go on the prowl. It is difficult to tell you what may be wrong when all that you tell us is that you do everything right.

  • How are you trying to meet guys?
    If your going to a bar... no guy goes to a bar looking for anything other then a one night stand. It was that way when I was young and I am sure that hasn't changed.
    The best way to meet now is online. it is sucky for women because there are a lot of douchbag men out there. but if your patient and willing to weed through the crap, you can find great guys like me out there. My sister married someone she met on POF. I have fallen in love with someone I met on POF... I have had many dates. POF and Tinder have worked best for me.

    • I'm really against online dating actually. But I'm not going around in bars either. I know they're looking for one night stands only. It might be someone I meet via friends, or someone on my favourite coffee place, or someone I meet in a store, or even someone at university. Really I don't get dressed up and go 'hunting" lol. I have a lot of interests in life and meet a lot of people. But the thing is why do I always have guys tell me years later that they had a crush on me or something and I'm like "why didn't you talk to me then? and tell me now?"like what the shit?

    • Well the best way to meet and control the kind of person you meet is online. I am a big fan.
      However, if your going to restrict it to what you listed, and what you listed isn't working, and you won't try something new, you can't really complain then can you?
      We don't have pictures so I have no way to know what you look like. If your a very attractive woman then most guys are not going to bother approaching you. So if your one of the "pretty people" that is why. If not, then there is something your doing to give off the wrong vibe... or the places your looking at not right for you and you need to try something different.

  • maybe... u haven't find the right guy get? or guys waiting u 2 make the 1st move?

    • Why would I make the first move? I mean if I like someone I give him "the look" (or however it's called :P) and I might smile. If he doesn't approach me , I get it that they are not interested. Doesn't it sound fair?

    • some guys r SHY and r waitin 4 the girl 2 make the 1st move u know...

    • Well I think I can tell the difference between shy and not interested...

What Girls Said 3

  • So you approach them. Why does the guy always have to make the first move. If you look at him and find him attractive, then walk up and say hi. Maybe the fact that you aren't talking or such makes them think your a b*tch. Not that you are but that could be the impression you give of. Being confident can come off that way sometimes.

    • Well I have done that in the past. But sometimes it doens't feel right...

  • there is absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a guy you find attractive. It's not wrong and it's certainly not going to do anything but flatter the guy who thinks you're hot stuff But is too shy to approach you first. people would tell me they don't approach me because they're intimidated by me. They think I'm out of their league or I'm too sophisticated and intelligent for them. They think I'm so attractive but they see themselves as ugly. And there are those who just think I'm plain ugly. whatever the reason for them not approaching first, it doesn't mean they're not interested and it certainly doesn't mean you have to wait until a guy gathers up his confidence to say hi.

    • NOTED

    • This lady understands the landscape. There are women who men won't approach because of the "she's out of my league" mentality. And some guys are just too shy to look at their own shadow. I would be very flattered if a lady approached me and expressed her interest. Fear of rejection is a powerful motivating force for many men and, if you think about it from our perspective, you may have some newfound empathy for what it's like to be a guy on the front line of the dating wars.

  • Well maybe you shouldn't worry about it right now.

    • Why? I mean I do worry a lot more about other factors in my life... :P Some more important ones but it does get me down sometimes. And one of those times is right now, as well...

    • Show All
    • Oh okay... try to listen to really loud music or something so you don't feel that way.

    • LOL... okay thank you anyways for answering. Have a nice day!

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