"Take Care" and a distant hug on first date?

I went on a first date tonight with a guy I met online. We met at a bar, and in total the date lasted for 1.5 hours (until 11pm) I really enjoyed his company and he seemed to truly enjoy mine as he was laughing and the conversation was flowing easily. We had things to talk about. I really felt we had a connection. However, there was no overt flirtation or compliments.

As we were at a bar, he ordered a glass of wine for each of us, and when we finished he didn't order another or ask if I wanted one. We just sat for a half hour drinking nothing and talking, which I found odd and kind of rude of him not to offer. There was an empty water container at the table which he didn't ask to refill when I had been drinking a lot of water. When I came out of the bathroom for the second time, I discovered that he had paid the check and had his coat on ready to leave, saying it was a "school night" and he had work in the morning. When we walked out, I believe he was planning on just walking away until I stopped. At that point he gave me a very distant hug and said "Good meeting you, take care." I'm just really confused because why was he acting like he enjoyed himself the whole date (laughing, engaging in discussion, even staying 1.5 hours) if he didn't?

I feel so embarrassed by this apparent blow off and am left wondering what I did wrong on the date.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some people are good conversationalists; their ability to carry on conversation has nothing to do with any emotional or romantic interest in the other person.

    In the bigger scheme of things I'd say he did the bare minimum that was required to call it a date.

    As for alternative ideas, you say he was ready to leave when you came out of the bathroom the second time. Maybe, despite his ability to engage in conversation, he lacks confidence and decided you were using your bathroom trips to text your friends about how awful he was, or read it as you wanting to take off. Maybe he thought coming up with an excuse to leave ("school night") was doing you a favor by not having to make you come up with one yourself.

    Honestly, there are guys who are really paranoid about coming on too strong, especially if they lack confidence. They fear the "Ew!!!" look many guys are intimately familiar with, the girl pulling her hand away when they touch it, a non-reciprocated hug, etc. Their strategy is to seem like a decent person to spend time with first, and then develop intimacy if you show you're interested. In the internet dating world where a lot of women demand to feel "sparks" immediately, it's not a great strategy, but it's what some guys are comfortable with.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Probably not getting a second date. That's really odd.


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What Guys Said 3

  • As they say - online dating is the pits.

    I've been on a few dates w/ girls I met online. Only one garnered a 2nd date. 1 other was great, me and the girl kept chatting but she flaked on the 2nd date and I began to ignore her (my bad maybe?)

    The other 1 was just a couple weeks ago and from a girl who msg'd me first. It was pretty standard get to know each other convo for a couple hours. Kinda like yours, but we were on a better communication level for the drinks lol...

    Anyway, it's confusing b/c she said she'd see me again, but when I asked her for a 2nd date, she said she was busy and didn't offer a reschedule. A week later (tonight) I called, but left a text instead of a voicemail asking her out this week and she has ignored me so far.

    Point being, online dating is a whole different beast. The in-person part has to be absolutely amazing, I guess, for it to be compelling enough to make the person want to see you again. It's different than coworkers or friends of friends or even people you meet out in public where you meet the person before the 1st date. The first date is always kind of more jarring for online dating than when it's a "natural" date, so the standard is usually higher (or lower)...

    I don't know... I feel you QA. This most recent one I've been snubbed by just has me thinking "what did i do wrong?" Even when girls message me first, I still can't seal the deal =\

  • Just wasn't meant to be, I guess.

    I'm not tring to add salt to an open wound but I did the exact same thing except different locations.

    We did miniature golf, followed by Starbucks afterwards.

    I ended the date with a "see ya" toward the end.

    I just didn't dig her, is all.

  • I don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes the compatibility is there, and sometimes it's not. He just might surprise you; most of the women I met online acted very surprised when I asked them out a second time. Several of them outright told me, "I didn't think you were interested."


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